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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692237">Close (to God) As I Can Get</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/reliablyimperfect/pseuds/reliablyimperfect'>reliablyimperfect</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Flirting, Blow Jobs, Brief mention of abortion, Caught in the Act, Coming Out, Crossdressing?, Denial of Feelings, First Relationship, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Harry drives a truck, Is it crossdressing if its dress up with children?, Loss of Virginity, Louis is the preacher's son, M/M, Older Harry Styles, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Stifling of Feeelings, The briefest mention of selfharm, Virgin Louis Tomlinson, Younger Louis Tomlinson, cute dates, further description of tags can be found in the notes, internalized homophobia?, southern!au, terrible puns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 02:40:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/reliablyimperfect/pseuds/reliablyimperfect</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh, my God, Fizz,” Louis groaned. “He-”<br/>“Louis William Tomlinson,” Jay chastised. “We do not say the Lord’s name in vain.” <br/>“Sorry.” He murmured up to the sky after a glance at his expectant mother.<br/>“Why did Noah have to punish the chicken on the Ark?” Harry asked suddenly. The twins and Fizzy immediately perked up, recognizing the beginning of a joke. . Louis groaned, already knowing the punchline, but he appreciated the sentiment.<br/>“Because they had such fowl language!”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Close (to God) As I Can Get</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A special thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldouthaz/pseuds/soldouthaz">Sarah</a> for being my very first beta and answering all my dumb questions during the writing process. I've never been able to talk about my fics before, and it is pretty fucking awesome. Thanks also to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendippety/pseuds/serendippety">Reese</a> for being a wonderful sounding board and talking me through a lot of the beginning plot. This probably would've taken three more weeks, and wouldn't've been as good without you. Mwah!</p>
<p>Title is taken from Saltwater Gospel by Eli Young Band. The fic is (very) loosely based around that song. The idea came to me while I was listening to it. Living in the South as an Atheist is very interesting, and I thought about how it would change if I had come out to my (Christian) mother and (Couldn’t-care-less) father. Then throw in the ‘what if I still believed in God after coming out, and thus, this fic was born.<br/>I got many outside opinions while writing this to get realistic reactions. However, I am in no way implying that this will be every Southerners reaction to homosexuality, it is just my (friend’s and my friend’s mother’s) perspective of it.</p>
<p>Abortion: It is literally just mentioned (as in a friend of a friend had one, and that’s it)<br/>Internalized homophobia: Louis doesn’t really deny his sexuality, but he goes back and forth throughout the fic and lashes out a bit during his weaker moments.<br/>Assault: There is a brief mention of assault, but in a distant way, and is barely half a sentence long. (Assault doesn’t actually happen. Everything in this fic is consensual.)<br/>Self-harm: There is one, brief, instance where Louis imagines scratching himself. That is all.<br/>Panic attack: Brought on by his coming out to his parents.<br/>Please DM me @mmmm_kat on Twitter (or here) for any specific question you have about warnings/triggers.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the first woman creaked open the doors, Louis pasted a smile on his face. Moving to prop them open for the rest of the congregation, he hoped it didn’t look as fake as it felt, but there was only so much he could do. The woman smiled back and moved past to greet his mother, who was standing with the girls next to him in a perfect row: oldest to youngest.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Donna!” Jay greeted enthusiastically. “How are the grandkids? Will they be here?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my daughter called and told me she was having a bit of trouble getting the baby into her dress,” Donna smiled.</p>
<p>“Oh, bless her heart; I know all too well how that goes.” Jay gestured down the row to her gaggle of children, and they both shared another laugh as Donna bid her a farewell and went to find her seat.</p>
<p>The stained-glass windows that run along three walls of the church were one of Louis’ favorite things about coming to church every week. His favorite was the one immediately to the right of where his family always sat. It depicted the scene in which the stone in front of Jesus’ tomb had been rolled away. The sky in the scene was the bluest thing he’d ever seen, and the multiple shades of brown they used for the tomb and stone gave the illusion that it was right in front of them.</p>
<p>Another patron entered, and another forced greeting from Louis, followed by a short conversation with his mom when they got to her came and went: it was always the same thing. Week after week after week, and yet no one else seemed to notice. They were perfectly content to spend an extra two hours with the same people they live next to.</p>
<p>Just as the chapel began to fill up, Jay corralled her kids into their typical order. Since his father didn’t sit with them, Louis let all the girls and his mom settle into their seats first, a habit Mark had instilled into him as a man, while he stayed on the aisle. The six of them took up nearly an entire row, so no one bothered to squeeze in next to them. Louis was grateful, as it meant that he wouldn’t be pressed ankle to thigh against his sister and the pew’s end.</p>
<p>“Did you hear?” The question from the pew behind him caught his attention. It was a real problem: the gossiping that happened at church. Even though Louis knew how shallow it was, he pricked his ears and focused all his attention to the response.</p>
<p>“Hear what?” The conversation was between an older couple, Mr. and Mrs. Barrow, that Louis had known since even before he was born. They had been at his baptism when he was an infant, and they cooed over him even though that more than twenty-four years ago.</p>
<p>“A young man moved in just down the road.” Louis scoffed in his head. It was always a ‘young man’ or a ‘sweet girl,’ even when they were coming up to the age of forty and they had four kids. Mr. and Mrs. Barrow were nearing eighty, so he was willing to bet this ‘young man’ was at least thirty.</p>
<p>“Oh, no I hadn’t heard. Is he single? Show him to me. Millie’s granddaughter has been single for a long time.”</p>
<p>“He’s not here.” <em>That</em> would’ve caught Louis’ attention if he hadn’t already been engrossed. It was an unspoken rule that <em>everyone</em> went to church. The entire town revolved around the church. Sunday was service; Wednesday there was always a bible study. Almost every Saturday, there was some kind of social gathering, as well. Those weren’t technically a religious event, but the pastor always said some positive words or read a verse or two from the Bible before the mayor spoke.</p>
<p>For someone, especially someone who was new in town, to not show up for church was almost as taboo as saying the Lord’s name in vain or using foul language. To say this mysterious person had perked Louis’ interest would be an understatement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>During the closing hymn, Louis allowed his subconscious to take over, continuing to sing the words he’d known since he could walk while his mind wandered. He thought about where they’d go for Sunday lunch. Hoping, it would be Sweetberries, who sold pancakes twenty-four hours a day, the rest of the song was spent mentally planning his meal.</p>
<p>As soon as the ringing of the last note had died off, the congregation joined in the Lord’s prayer:</p>
<p>
  <em>Our Father, who art in heaven,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hallowed by thy name.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thy kingdom come.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Thy will be done,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>On Earth as it is in Heaven.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Give us this day, our daily bread</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And forgive us our trespasses,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As we forgive those who trespass against us.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And lead us not into temptation,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But deliver us from evil.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Amen</em>
</p>
<p>From down the row, Louis could see Daisy and Phoebe’s mouths forming the words perfectly. They’d had it memorized since the age of four. Their mother had been so proud the first night they’d managed to say the whole thing with her. It wasn’t until several months after Louis turned five that he’d been able to say the whole prayer.</p>
<p>They waited patiently for Louis’ father to make his way down the aisle. As typical, they were the last family out of the doors. Being the son of the town’s preacher had its downsides, like being the last people to leave every church event. It would look bad if they darted out immediately, plus, Mark liked to converse with <em>everyone</em>. The girls, Louis’ mom, and him were all waiting at the doors until Marion, the woman at the end of their street, finally noticed that Mark was being waited on and bustled herself out the door.</p>
<p>Louis thought about falling to his knees to thank God that Lottie and Fizzy both begged to go to Sweetberries when they took a family vote for brunch. However, a few months before, his mother had given him a stern talking to about ‘giving appropriate thanks to God’ when he’d verbally thanked Him for rain the day of Lottie’s driving test. He hadn’t been ready to see her drive away in the car all by herself, and the downpour meant that she wasn’t able to take it.</p>
<p>When the family were seated with a ‘just sit anywhere y’all want; I’ll be by in a few!’ from Margaret, the waitress at Sweetberries, Louis was able to relax into the booth beside the twins. Since he’d spent the last song mentally going through the menu, he didn’t really need to look at it, but he picked it up and perused it for show.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t until the Fig Festival, three days later, that Louis met the elusive non-churchgoer. The Fig Festival was Louis’ favorite event of the year. As a town, they celebrated the beginning of summer with the picking of the first ripe fig, passing it around like a trophy for people to ogle at. Back when the town was only a few dozen people, the fig had originally been passed around for each resident to take a bite. Now, since the sleepy town of Corven, right outside of the state capital, was nearing four hundred residents, one fig wasn’t enough to feed the growing town.</p>
<p>Louis had been shadowing his father, who was waiting at the edge of the stage for his turn to speak. Sergeant Lancaster, the man heading crowd control, was stepping up to the podium. With a quick glance around towards the crowd, Louis couldn’t understand why one, much less <em>more</em> than one, cop was necessary for a Corven <em>religious</em> event. The most action they’d get was Mr. Miller on the other side of town who thought a town gathering was an excuse to get gloriously drunk. Mr. Miller was a sweet man but give him more than five drinks and he was loud and a bit too honest with his thoughts.</p>
<p>He carefully tracked the movements of the sergeant as he spoke. There was a brief moment of focus when he heard his father’s name being spoken, which gave him enough time to tune back into the celebration as Mark climbed the stairs.</p>
<p>“Good evening, Corven,” Mark greeted easily. The crowd had fallen silent out of respect, and every eye was turned towards him. “I’d like to share with you a verse from the book of Matthew to remind you of why we are gathered here today.”</p>
<p>Louis was an expert at reading the pauses Mark made. This one was to instill anticipation, so Mark didn’t wait for more than a few moments before he continued. He’d had his pointer finger tucked into his Bible so he wouldn’t have to fine the verse. Now, he flipped open the Bible and addressed the audience.</p>
<p>“Matthew 24:32 says, ‘Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and puts forth leaves, you know that summer is near.’” Mark didn’t look down at the words once, having had them memorized for years. The Bible was just for show. Again, Mark paused, but it was only to take a breath before he continued. “Brian told me in advance that his trees were beginning to grow leaves. Now that they have begun to bear fruit, summer has truly begun, so let us celebrate that today!”</p>
<p>A near-deafening round of applause echoed around the outdoor area, and that is when Louis noticed the other uniform in the crowd. The man’s hands met in the middle in a much less enthusiastic manor, which immediately caused Louis to focus on him. Mr. Barrow had been right: he <em>was</em> young. To Louis, from this distance, he suspected the stranger was about his age.</p>
<p>As if the man felt him staring, he glanced up and met Louis’ eyes. There was a flicker of recognition that Louis was confused about, but it was immediately forgotten about in the wake of the most blinding smile he’d ever seen. Even from here, Louis could see the dimple that created a shadowed crater on his cheek. After a brief hesitation, in which he debated whether he should respond to the other man or not, he flashed a tight smile in return.</p>
<p>The acknowledgement of his distant greeting was apparently enough for him, and Louis watched the man shuffle through the crowd. He made his way closer to Louis as his pulse grew heavier in his chest. Louis wasn’t sure why he was nervous about this guy, but he was.</p>
<p>“Hi!” The man greeted him with a bright grin.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Louis replied tersely.</p>
<p>“I’m Harry. Well, I’m in uniform, so I’m <em>technically</em> Officer Styles, but <em>you</em> can call me Harry.” Louis wasn’t sure if he imagined the emphasis on ‘you,’ but he felt his face heat up at the thought of it being intentional.</p>
<p>“Um, Louis.” He stuck his hand towards <em>Harry</em> out of habit with the loop of <em>you can call me Harry, you can call me Harry, you can call me Harry</em> bouncing around his head. The soft, warm pressure of Harry’s larger hand in his palm made him falter. <em>Tattoos</em>: that was all he could focus on as their hands moved. Harry had several tattoos on his hands where they poked out of his long-sleeved uniform shirt.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, um, Louis!” Harry giggled at his own joke, and Louis couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips from the sound.</p>
<p>“Louis!” Mark boomed as he descended the stairs. “Let’s go, my boy! Your mother and sisters are waiting.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir,” Louis replied in soft voice. He waved at Harry as they walked towards the Tomlinson women. He expected that would be the extent of his interaction with Harry for the night, but as the event was wrapping up, and he was helping load the used plates and silverware up to be cleaned, a familiar, tattooed hand beat him to the plate he was moving to get.</p>
<p>“I’ve got the last few, love.” Ignoring how the pet name made his heart flutter, Louis murmured a quiet <em>thank you</em> and led him to Collin’s truck. There were already dishes piled in plastic bins in the bed of the truck that he agreed to take home and wash for the next event. Collin lived down the road from the venue, so it would be easy for him to bring them back in the next few days, clean.</p>
<p>Once again, the two were interrupted just as Harry started to ask Louis what he had planned for the next few days. This time, it was Jay who called his name. With a start, Louis took a step back from where he’d been a bit too close to Harry. He shook his head in the clear air, having been unknowingly surrounded by a cloud of Harry’s cologne while they settled the dishes in their respective bins.</p>
<p>With yet another farewell, Louis walked towards his family. Phoebe and Daisy had long since fallen asleep, the time bordering on eleven pm. He hefted Phoebe into his arms while Mark took Daisy, and they made their way to the van as a family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One thing Louis loved and hated about this town was the <em>gossip</em>. Good news or bad, gossip spread as quickly as the flu in a town of aquaphobics who couldn’t wash their hands. The first time Louis became aware of it was when he was eighteen, and the Johnson’s daughter, Sarah, fell pregnant at only eighteen. Sarah had eventually left town because she had been ostracized after deciding to abort the child. Louis, who kept up with her on Facebook, knew that she’d gone to college up north and was working to become a doctor. She was doing well. In Louis’ opinion, she made the right decision, but that was something he’d keep to himself forever.</p>
<p>This time, he was overhearing a conversation between his mother and Millie, a sweet lady, but a terrible gossip from down the road. Apparently, someone was painting their nails. That wasn’t a big deal; Louis’ siblings tended to paint their whole fingertips when they tried to do it themselves. However, when his mother shrieked, he edged a bit closer under the guise of grabbing some water to hear Millie’s voice float through the air.</p>
<p>“The boy, Jay!” Millie cried with glee. She wasn’t on speakerphone, but her voice was clear.</p>
<p>“Which one?”</p>
<p>“Joe’s new hire!” Joe Lancaster was the Sheriff, and Louis froze when he realized who they were talking about: Harry. Apparently, <em>Harry</em> had his nails painted. “And that’s not all!”</p>
<p>“There’s <em>more</em>?” Jay whisper-shouted down the phone line.</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t know this for sure, but Margaret told Harrison, who told Paul, and Paul told Regina who called and told me that he had <em>flowers</em> in his <em>hair</em>.”</p>
<p>“Flowers in his hair?”</p>
<p>“I think they were tulips, but I was only told they were red, so maybe they were roses.”</p>
<p>Sick of the poorly concealed conversation, and the direction it was turning, Louis pulled on a pair of shoes and grabbed his earbuds. He padded outside into the heat of the day despite his pressed trousers and polo, and went through the motions of stuffing his earbuds into his ears to begin his walk. One of his favorite things to do in this town was to go on walks when the weather was nice.</p>
<p>As he walked, he allowed the soothing, familiar music to wrap around him. Gospel music wasn’t his favorite genre, but the parental controls on his iPod didn’t allow him to download songs that weren’t on his parent’s approved lists. If he wanted to add a new song, he had to give the title and artist to his parents for them to listen to first.</p>
<p>Once, he’d given his mom an artist he’d heard at a skating rink that played when he and Liam, a boy who lived down the road, had gone out on a Friday night. He’d really enjoyed the beat of it but hadn’t been able to focus on the words. After asking Liam for the song information so he could tell his parents, he was turned down the very next day because the artist had been seen smoking marijuana at a nightclub two years before. ‘<em>He isn’t a good role model, Louis.</em>’ Mark had told him dismissively. Now, he hardly ever went to his parents with new music. It wasn’t worth the disappointment.</p>
<p>There was a park on the other side of town, and that’s normally his destination when everything gets a bit too loud at home. It may seem a bit redundant to have music playing in his ears while he tried to escape noise, but the songs had been in his life since he was a kid. They were comforting. He nearly groaned when he heard someone calling his name. As he debated ignoring it, (he <em>did</em> have earbuds in, after all) he saw a hand waving in a field set back from the road. Louis focused on the movement, travelling down the arm to focus on the familiar, dimpled grin, and he hoped the burning of his cheeks wasn’t noticeable from this distance. It was Harry.</p>
<p>“Louis! Over here!” The enthusiastic greeting didn’t falter when Louis’ was subpar, a simple wave that didn’t rise above his shoulder. He continued to grin as Louis picked his way through the thigh-high field of flowers, brushing his hands over the soft, beautiful petals.</p>
<p>“Hi.” Louis finally replied as he made it to Harry.</p>
<p>“How are you, Lou?” The boy in question raised his eyes at the nickname, but Harry continued to smile expectantly at him, so he dropped it.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. You?”</p>
<p>“Peachy!” Harry chirped. The grin on his face grew, if that was even possible, and Louis’ lips twitched in response. The silence stretched between them, but Harry never took his eyes off Louis. Suddenly, he acknowledged the presence of light purple flowers nestled in the Harry’s curls. He couldn’t stop the way his mind helpfully supplied the fact that <em>purple looks really nice on him</em>. When the silence stretched too long even for Louis’ liking, he made to awkwardly wave and leave, just as Harry gestured for him to come closer. He had a neat area next to him where the tall grass had already been flattened, and the thought that someone else had been there had his stomach clenching for some reason.</p>
<p>Louis settled into the spot regardless, delicately folding his legs under his body. His shirt, where it was tucked in, pulled tight against his back, and he shifted until he was more comfortable. Without looking at Harry, Louis watched how his hands folded the stems of a new batch of flowers into a slowly-forming circle. They were bright, yellow daisies, and, when Louis found another, abandoned flower that Harry didn’t seem to need, he picked it up and fingered the delicate petals.</p>
<p>While he was admiring the skilled way Harry’s fingers twisted the stems, Louis noticed the flashes of light blue. There weren’t any blue flowers in the batch Harry had picked, so he craned his neck around to get a better look. He nearly gasped when Harry held out the crown, now complete, and he got a glimpse of his sky-blue nails. Harry really <em>had</em> painted his nails. Louis had to admit, they looked good. It was obviously something that Harry had done before. Whenever Lottie did her nails, she always ended up needing to clean around the edges, or even redo a nail entirely. Harry’s were perfect.</p>
<p>He jumped when a weight settled onto his head. Out of habit, his hands came up to determine the identity of the object, and when he felt the familiarly soft flowers on his head, he couldn’t help but smile. When he caught Harry staring, he felt his face heat up with blush, and ducked his head down. The abrupt movement dislodged the flower crown, and both he and Harry moved to put it back in place. Their hands brushed, and Louis withdrew his immediately. Harry didn’t seem to be aware of Louis’ discomfort because he cocked his head left and right as he adjusted the crown. When he deemed it perfect, he pulled back with a smile.</p>
<p>“Beautiful,” He told Louis. The blush that had never fully left came back in full force, but Louis lowered his head much calmer this time so as not to repeat the previous events.</p>
<p>“They’re weeds,” Louis supplied awkwardly. “Weeds aren’t beautiful.”</p>
<p>“Wasn’t talking about the weeds, Lou.”</p>
<p>“<em>Oh</em>.” Louis could feel how wide his eyes were, and he stumbled over his words. “You, um, I…thank you?”</p>
<p>“Not a problem at all.” Harry didn’t say anything after that. Instead, he laid back in the grass with his hands folded under his head. The bottom hem of his wrinkled tshirt had inched up enough that Louis could see the sheen of sweat on his evenly tanned skin. Upon further study, Louis noted the dark lines of yet another tattoo accentuating the jut of his hips. There wasn’t enough visible for Louis to know what they were, but it looked like a leaf of some sort.</p>
<p>“Do you like them?” Harry asked suddenly. Louis’ eyes shot up to where Harry was already looking at him. His face must’ve shown his confusion because Harry suddenly tugged up his shirt so that the full tattoo was available for Louis to take in. “They’re laurels.”</p>
<p>“I, um, I recognize them.” Louis croaked out. Laurels were quite prominent in the Bible. “They’re a symbol for men who are wicked.” Harry coughed awkwardly, tugging his shirt to cover them with pink cheeks, and Louis immediately felt guilty. With an apology on his tongue, Harry interrupted him.</p>
<p>“I like to think they symbolize flourishing in places that are hostile or unforgiving.” Louis’ thoughts whirled with the underlying feeling that confession hinted on. His silence lasted long enough for Harry to grow uncomfortable, and he stood and walked away from Louis with a small wave.</p>
<p>Louis laid there until the shadows had moved several inches. He felt terrible about saying that to Harry after he’d just said…what he said about Louis. Harry had called him <em>beautiful</em>. Louis had never been called beautiful before, only handsome or dashing. In his opinion, he liked beautiful a bit more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis was watching his youngest sisters, Phoebe and Daisy, while their mom had gone shopping with the other girls. They had pulled out a plethora of dress up clothes that hung off their tiny shoulders and dragged on the floor as they strutted up and down the hall. It was their makeshift runway.</p>
<p>They had each gone through at least three different wardrobe changes, each getting more and more ridiculous, before they roped Louis into letting them dress him up too. He had never been good at saying no to their identical, expectant faces, so he nodded his head and a tight, child-sized tiara was immediately squeezing his head.</p>
<p>Over an hour had passed, and Louis was now dressed in a light blue skirt that the twins had said ‘matched’ his yellow button-up that he’d worn to the church service that morning. He had to admit, it didn’t look <em>bad</em>, but the black dress pants his shirt was tucked into were easily seen through the tool. In other words, he looked ridiculous.</p>
<p>“Oh, my <em>goodness</em>!” A womanly shriek startled the trio from where Louis had been posing in his newest number: a beaded yellow sleeveless shirt with the same tool skirt.</p>
<p>“Isn’t he beautiful, Mommy?” Daisy chirped, bouncing over to hug her waist. “Lou-Lou, do the spin!” Indulging them, he lifted his arms above his head and spun twice. They had showed him how to correctly ‘twirl’ once he had put on the skirt. He liked the way it spun out as he turned, and when he stopped, he was grinning.</p>
<p>“Beautiful isn’t a word to call a boy, my love. Boys are handsome, not pretty or beautiful.” Louis’ smile fell.</p>
<p>“But he’s not manly.” Phoebe came up to pout next to her sister. “He <em>is</em> pretty!”</p>
<p>“Enough of this, girls,” Their mother quickly shut them down. “Louis, take that mess off, and go clean your face.” She was referring to the blush and lip gloss the girls had spread onto his face after his final wardrobe change. He thought, as they’d showed him the final product in a smudged mirror, that the blush highlighted his high cheekbones.</p>
<p>He carefully pulled the top off, which left his shirt half untucked, and folded it neatly into the box of clothes. The skirt quickly followed, and he rushed up to the bathroom to scrub his face. When he left the house ten minutes later, his face was stinging and pink from the force. His eyes stung too, but not because of his brutal cleaning.</p>
<p>He had to get out of here.</p>
<p>Locking himself in his room, he opened a familiar app. He had changed the icon on his phone to appear as the ‘To-Do List,’ but when he pressed it, a familiar yellow mask popped up. He had only met up with one guy from Grindr about three months ago. Since then, he had adjusted his settings so no one in Corven could find him, and he used nearby parks to meet up.</p>
<p>Scrolling through the men that lived close, but not too close, he messaged a couple for a quick meet up. After a confirmation from one, he left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With his phone in hand, he followed the directions sent to him. His feet carried him through the rapidly-growing dark, towards an abandoned park. It was a bit spooky, being out here all by himself, but it was worth it for the privacy the night would give him. This wasn’t the first time he’d done something like this, meeting a stranger, but the first time he’d come to <em>this</em> park. Pecan Park was technically outside of the city limits, but with no town to claim it, Corven did.</p>
<p>He saw the unfamiliar car long before he arrived at his destination, but it eased his fear knowing there was at least someone else here if he ran into trouble. When he was near the car, he ducked through the woods and onto a trail he saw. At the end, only a few minutes away from the car, he saw who he was here for.</p>
<p>“Dylan?” Louis spoke awkwardly into the quiet.</p>
<p>“Fuck, you’re even more sexy in person.” Louis flinched at the vulgar language, unused to it, but he stepped forward to meet his ‘date.’ Date wasn’t the right word, but ‘bed partner’ wasn’t quite right either since there wasn’t a real bed anywhere around here. “Ready?”</p>
<p>“Can we just, you know, <em>kiss</em> for a bit?” Louis asked. The guy, instead of replying, stepped forward and pulled Louis closer by his beltloops. His lips were rough, chapped, against Louis’, but he was enthusiastic, so Louis shrugged off the awkwardness and tried to respond. Dylan was a frantic kisser, that was the only way Louis could describe it. His lips moved against Louis’ so quickly that he couldn’t keep up.</p>
<p>Suddenly, his back was against a tree, but he was distracted by the scratch of the bark by the firmness in Dylan’s pants pressed low against his belly. It made him squirm, and Dylan moaned against his mouth. Louis pulled back to breathe, and Dylan took that as an okay to mouth at his neck.</p>
<p>“No marks!” Louis remembered to gasp out through the shivers. “No visible marks.”</p>
<p>“Guess you’ll just need to take off some clothes then,” Dylan said in a way that was probably supposed to be sexy, but just made Louis want to dry heave.</p>
<p>“I would much rather be on my knees.” Louis blurted, hoping that he could get this over with quickly and go home. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t even be here, but he was horny and desperate, and he was still a bit angry at his mom for taking out her strict religious opinions on two ten-year-olds.</p>
<p>“Fuck, yeah.” Was all he got before the jingling of a loosened belt buckle and the sharp sound of his zipper broke through the air. Louis felt a firm hand on his shoulder, pushing him to the ground. Dylan was bare only to mid-thigh, having pushed his boxers and jeans down far enough to pull himself out and that’s all.</p>
<p>Louis reached up a shaky hand to grip the base to keep it still, and leaned in to lick at the head, shiny from precome. Dylan groaned again, <em>Jeez, did he know how to do anything else?</em> when Louis’ lips wrapped around him, and he sucked softly. He was so focused on keeping his teeth out of the way that he didn’t hear the crunch of leaves coming closer until a bright light was shining through his eyelids. Humming in confusion made Dylan push his hips closer, and he spluttered in shock and pulled off to cough violently into his fist. Dylan scrambled to tuck himself back into his pants while Louis’ eyes watered.</p>
<p>“Shit, <em>Louis</em>!” An achingly familiar voice called his name. When his coughing subsided and his vision cleared, he almost wished it hadn’t when Harry’s familiar shape materialized from the edge of the trail. He jogged closer and helped him to his feet, rounding on Dylan, who had been trying to steal away into the shadows. “Don’t you <em>dare</em> move.” Harry snarled. Louis was shocked at the force of his voice, and Dylan froze. The fury in Harry’s eyes disappeared when they met Louis’. He was calm and concerned.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” He whispered. Louis, still pressed up against the tree, but now with Harry in front of him, nodded. Harry didn’t seem convinced, and his eyes darkened in the light cast by his flashlight. He took Louis’ hand in his softly and led him a few steps away, but still flashed his eyes towards Dylan in a silent threat. “Are you here with him willingly?”</p>
<p>At first, Louis was confused by the question, but when his mind caught up, he flushed. If he told Harry he was here willingly, he might write them up for public indecency. And something like <em>that</em> would definitely spread around town quick: Louis getting a ticket while having sexual relations <em>with a man</em>. Then, he thought about telling Harry he <em>wasn’t</em> here willingly. It was a brief thought, lying, but he couldn’t do that either. Dylan would be arrested for assault, and Louis couldn’t let that happen. Louis dropped his gaze to the leaves, and Harry’s dusty boots.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Louis whispered. Harry exhaled deeply enough that it stirred Louis’ fringe.</p>
<p>“Thank god.” Louis had the brief thought of telling him that this kind of situation wasn’t an appropriate time to give thanks to God, but he held his tongue. The last time he’d spoken freely around Harry, he’d insulted something he’d paid to have permanently drawn onto his skin. “You!” He called to Dylan, who jumped in surprise.</p>
<p>“Yes, officer?”</p>
<p>“Get the hell out of here. Don’t ever let me catch you here again.” Dylan was stumbling past them, down the trail before Harry could finish, and was gone.</p>
<p>“Harry?” Louis spoke as they walked back to Harry’s squad car. He’d agreed to drive him back home when Louis had mentioned he walked here.</p>
<p>“Hmmm?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about what I said,” He started awkwardly. “About your tattoo. I looked it up, and they are also a symbol for growth, like flourishing, like you said. So, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay.”</p>
<p>“I’d appreciate it if,” Louis paused, unsure about asking. “If what happened could stay between us.”</p>
<p>“Lou-”</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>, Harry,” Louis begged, pulling Harry to a stop despite being close enough to Harry’s car to see it. He made sure to look directly at Harry, and said emphatically, “You <em>can’t</em> tell!”</p>
<p>“I won’t!” Harry said, cutting off Louis when he went to interrupt. “I’m not going to out you, Louis! I’m not like that.”</p>
<p>“Oh, well, thanks.” Harry took Louis’ hand in his carefully. His entire hand encompassed Louis’ smaller one, but it wasn’t overwhelming in the way he’d expected it to be, holding hands with a <em>guy</em> for the first time. A warm thumb drifted across the back of his hand repeatedly, and Louis looked up at Harry shyly.</p>
<p>“Do you have plans for tomorrow?” Harry asked, still rubbing the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“No,” Louis replied with a smile. “Sleeping in and lazing about the house.” Harry frowned, but didn’t say anything. He dropped Louis’ hand and nodded his head in the direction of his car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis didn’t stop thinking about Harry even after he dropped him off down the road from his house to avoid speculation. When he walked up the stairs and into the house, his mom immediately called him to the dinner table. He sat at the table, wrapped in his thoughts, and didn’t say more than his ‘Amen’ at the end of their before-meal prayer.</p>
<p>He felt the eyes of his parents and the older girls, but they never said anything. They left him to his thoughts, and he was grateful for that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His thoughts were consumed with Harry, even without the visual remind of him. It was a while before Louis saw him again. Just under a week, actually, at the Saturday morning Farmer’s Market. He was standing in front of his booth when Louis jogged up, late and searching for his family. The bright colors caught his attention, and he couldn’t look away when he noticed who was there. He walked over.</p>
<p>“Hi.” Louis smiled. Harry grinned back easily, dimples out in full force, and the sun casting shadows over the slope of his nose. There was a pink and white flower crown nestled in his curls that matched his fingernails, once again perfectly polished. Harry’s face was a bit pink, too, like he’d been in the sun for a while, and Louis had half a mind to push him back into the shadows but thought that might be a bit forward.</p>
<p>“Louis, hi.” He liked the way Harry said his name, soft and smooth, like he wrapped it around his tongue before he let it leave.</p>
<p>“You have a booth here?” Louis gestured at the sign bearing Harry’s name: Harry’s Berries (and stuff). The name made him chuckle.</p>
<p>“I do! The name is old, and I no longer just serve berries, so it’s a work in progress, but it’s all mine!” He thrust his arms out wide, almost as wide as his grin. “Want to try something?”</p>
<p>“Do you have raspberries?” Louis’ face lit up in excitement. He loved raspberries.</p>
<p>“I’m actually all out of them this week; I didn’t pick enough, but if you’re willing to wait around, I can take you back to my place and we can get you some to bring home?”</p>
<p>“That’d be awesome! My sisters would love that.”</p>
<p>“Anything else?”</p>
<p>Louis finally let his gaze drift over the fruit in the cart. They were so perfect, lined up in rows: apples, oranges, lemons, green grapes, limes, what must be <em>dozens</em> of pints of blueberries, and purple grapes. He thought it was a bit odd that Harry wouldn’t group his grapes together, but upon second look, he noticed the pattern: they made a rainbow. He glanced up at Harry, meaning to ask him about it, but saw the rainbow flag pinned to his collar.</p>
<p>“So, the <em>was </em>rainbow purposeful,” Louis said, pointing at the pin. Harry flushed, and nodded.</p>
<p>“It was supposed to be a play off on my slogan, but once the business grew, and I was planting a bigger variety, I actually made a rainbow with my fruit.” He chuckled. Louis pointed to the blueberries, and Harry plucked a small handful out of a package to allow Louis a taste.</p>
<p>“What’s your slogan?” He asked before popping some of the blueberries into his mouth.</p>
<p>“Come Taste My Rainbow!” Harry chirped. Louis choked, coughing through the flush creeping up his neck from the innuendo. Harry seemed to come to the same conclusion after Louis’ reaction, and his face grew red. “Oh, god. No! That’s the slogan! I wasn’t- I, really wasn’t! I flirt better than that!”</p>
<p>“I don’t know about that, but if you say so.” Louis smiled, still a bit flushed.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I’m never seen you flirt.”</p>
<p>“Wha-? Louis I’ve been flirting with you since the Fig Festival!” Harry groaned loudly. Louis shushed him and glanced around to make sure no one had overheard them. When it was clear that none of the bustling marketgoers heard him, since no one stopped and stared, Louis tugged Harry away from the booth despite Harry’s squawk. “Lou!”</p>
<p>“Hush! It’s my turn to talk.” Louis said, frowning at the dust that blew in the gentle breeze. It ruffled his hair, and Louis raked his hand through his hair in distress, still processing Harry’s words. “You-, I-I-I-, <em>What</em>?” He finally settled on.</p>
<p>“God, Lou, you’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen, and you’re so sweet and lovely, but you’re the <em>preacher’s son</em>, and you go to church. I had no reason to believe that you-” He gestured at Louis lamely.</p>
<p>“I’m not!” Louis said immediately, then cringed. “Wait, I mean, I <em>am</em>, but-” Louis sighed.</p>
<p>“It’s okay.” Harry said softly. He curled a hand around the back of Louis’ head, and he couldn’t stop himself from flinching away from the touch. “I just thought after I asked you out the other night when I drove you home, that you weren’t interested.” Louis thought back, replying Harry’s words. Now that he knew Harry had been flirting, it was obvious, but at the time, Louis had thought that Harry asking about his plans was simply for conversation.</p>
<p>“I’ve never. Not for real,” Louis whispered in the silence between them. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know <em>how</em> to, you know.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay, Louis. You don’t have to know. Can we-” Harry hesitated, continuing when Louis urged him on. “Do you want to go out with me?”</p>
<p>“I do, Harry. I <em>really</em> do, but- This town. Nothing is secret, and I can’t do that to my parents. Oh, gosh, my <em>parents</em>!” Louis raked his hands through his hair again and paced back and forth quick enough to create a small dust cloud that made Harry cough. He felt a hand catch his arm and then arms were around him, hugging him tight.</p>
<p>“Parents aren’t always right about everything, Lou. Believe me, they aren’t.” It was spoken softly, but with enough emotion that Louis couldn’t immediately brush it off. “You’re your own person, and your thoughts aren’t theirs. I know your beliefs say this is wrong, but-”</p>
<p>Louis sniffled quietly. Harry frowned and pulled away to look at him. His eyes were teary, but as firm as the line his mouth was set in. “I keep so many secrets from my parents, and I can’t act like myself. I don’t know how to be myself. I don’t even know who I <em>am</em> anymore!”</p>
<p>“Then come figure it out with me.” Harry said. He backed up a step further and reached his hand out to span the distance. With only a bit of hesitation, Louis took it and let Harry tug him back to his booth. When they got back to the crowd, Louis dropped Harry’s hand wordlessly. Harry gave him a sad look and went through the motions of packing up his things. With the booth packed, and the trailer hooked up to Harry’s truck, Louis climbed into the front seat and they drove off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you just want your raspberries, or do you want to hang out for a bit?” Harry asked after his car lurched to a stop on the gravel driveway. Louis was too busy staring out at the acres of land in awe to respond. There were bright green trees dotted with fruit and vines covered with grapes, so Harry walked around to his door and opened it. He offered Louis his hand as he stepped out. Still in a daze, he took it, and Harry led him up to his front door.</p>
<p>Noting it was left unlocked, Harry threw the door opened and allowed Louis to walk in first. A warm hand at the bottom of his spine steered him in the direction of a homey-looking room with a horrendous plaid couch and a tv mounted high on the wall. Harry offered him a drink and went to pour them both some water while Louis snooped around. He saw several pictures on the mantel of a fireplace, which was below the large tv mounted to the wall, and walked over to look at them.</p>
<p>The first picture was of Harry and a woman who shared his smile. By their similar looks and ages, he guessed she was his sister. They each wore matching grins, and Louis smiled back at the picture as he put it back in its place and moved to look at the next. In this one, Harry was a bit younger, maybe college-aged, with his arms wrapped around to guys. One was a blonde that Louis could tell was fake, and one had dark hair and was covered in tattoos from his neck down.</p>
<p>The third picture he picked up was of a beautiful woman and a toddler with deceptively straight hair, but familiar green eyes. It was fairly obvious that it was Harry’s mother; she looked nearly identical to the girl in the first photograph. The kid looked like Harry, but unless he’d gotten a perm, Louis couldn’t explain the hair. That’s where Harry found him when he walked in, frowning at the picture.</p>
<p>“That’s my mother.” Harry supplied without even looking at the picture. He had, at some time, changed clothes, so he was dressed in a comfortable looking tshirt and a pair of short athletic shorts that showed off a tattoo on his mid-thigh.</p>
<p>“Is this kid you?” Louis asked when he was able to tear his eyes away from the toned muscles of Harry’s legs.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You have straight hair?”</p>
<p>“No,” Harry chuckled. “I did when I was a kid, but I’m not sure what happened. Maybe hormones or something.</p>
<p>“I like the curls better anyway.” Louis said as he set down the picture. He joined Harry on the sofa, which was surprisingly comfortable, and took the offered glass of water. He sipped at it in the awkward silence that settled between them, unsure of what to say.</p>
<p>“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Harry asked softly. The way he looked at Louis made him feel like a wild animal, like he would panic any second and run off back to the safety of the woods. Harry probably wasn’t too far off. Louis felt a bit twitchy, but he nodded. Harry moved to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the cabinet next to the tv and rifled through the cases. “What are you in the mood for? I’ve got scary, romantic, comedy, basically anything.”</p>
<p>“Um, I don’t care. Scary, maybe?”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. You can cuddle up to me if I pick one that’s too scary.” Harry chuckled when Louis’ cheeks flamed a bright red. “If you’re comfortable with that, of course. We’re just here to hang out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the first jump scare happened, Louis yelped, but he stayed stubbornly at the opposite end of the couch while Harry’s poorly-stifled chuckles floated around him. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest. His muscles were all tense under his pressed, stifling clothes. The buttons on his shirt made him feel like he couldn’t breathe, and he unbuttoned just the top one as he forced himself to relax.</p>
<p>“Do you want to borrow something more comfortable?” Harry suddenly asked, pausing the movie. Louis glanced down at his dress pants and pressed shirt that was a bit too stiff and nodded.</p>
<p>“Please.” Harry, after asking if he wanted pants or shorts, left, and came back with an old, worn looking tshirt for a band Louis had never heard of, and sweatpants. He handed them to Louis and showed him to the bathroom so he could change.</p>
<p>The shirt hung low, showing his collarbones and his bare chest. It was at least a size above what he normally wore, and it smelled like Harry. He couldn’t help but bury his nose into the neckline of the shirt and inhale, the scent of oranges and <em>Harry</em> tickling his senses. The clothes were soft, and the pants drug slightly on the ground even though he rolled up the waistband twice. They were tight on his thighs and backside, but the shirt should cover it.</p>
<p>When he padded back to the couch in just his socks, his folded clothes piled perfectly on the bathroom counter, he didn’t overthink it. He sat down closer to Harry and thanked him for the clothes as the movie began playing. He could feel the heat radiating from Harry, and it made him aware of how cold he was.</p>
<p>He jumped again, but this time it was when Harry’s arm curled over his shoulders. Harry was warm, and Louis immediately felt the chill leave. Their eyes met, and Harry cocked his head.</p>
<p>“This okay?” He asked. Louis sank further into Harry’s side in response and turned back to the movie when Harry smiled at him.</p>
<p>During one particular scene, when the anticipation was high due to some ominous music, Louis tensed, trying to prepare himself for the jump scare that he <em>knew</em> was coming. The music was rising in both volume and intensity and just as he thought his heart would burst out of his chest, it stopped. Silence fell over the room. Nothing was there; the jump scare never happened. He let out a breath and forced himself to untense.</p>
<p>Harry chuckled at him as he leaned back into Harry’s side. Just as he fully relaxed, a discordant note was hit, and something popped up on the screen out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“Oh my God!” Louis shrieked. He immediately clapped his hands over his mouth. “Sorry,” He whispered up to God.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Lou. Didn’t scare me.” Harry was shaking with laughter.</p>
<p>“No, I wasn’t apologizing to <em>you</em>.” Louis groaned. “I was apologizing to God.”</p>
<p>“What? Why?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“I said his name in vain,” Louis said with wide eyes. “I had to apologize.”</p>
<p>“Babe,” Harry breathed. Louis’ heart fluttered in his chest as the endearment. “I don’t know how to explain this in a way you’ll believe, but it’s okay. It’s okay if you say things like that. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”</p>
<p>“It’s a <em>sin</em>, though.”</p>
<p>“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Harry asked softly.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Do you think I’m a bad person because I say ‘oh, my god’ and ‘shit’ and ‘fuck,’ Lou?” Harry asked. “Does it make me a bad person that the first thing I noticed when you changed into those pants is how great they make your ass look? Or that I just said ‘ass’?”</p>
<p>“No!” Louis cried. “Of course not!” He didn’t react to Harry admitting he had checked out his bum, but it still made his skin warm.</p>
<p>“Then why does it make <em>you</em> a bad person?” Louis fumbled with a response, but ultimately had nothing to say. Harry cupped his cheek and looked at him sadly. “You’re not a bad person, Lou.”</p>
<p>Louis wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime between the first movie ending and the first episode of <em>The Office</em>’s opening credits, he ended up sandwiched between the back of the couch and Harry. His ear was pressed right over a swallow inked into Harry’s chest, and his heartbeat was steady. When his eyes began to grow heavy, he threw a leg over Harry’s thighs to get more comfortable and let his eyes drift shut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A buzzing jerked him out of sleep, and he glanced around, confused, until he glanced down and saw Harry. His mouth was slightly parted, and he let out tiny snores that Louis couldn’t help but smile at. His phone buzzed again, and he stretched over Harry to grab his phone from the table and settled back down while he scrolled through his messages.</p>
<p>There were a couple messages from his mom, asking where he was, and he sat up suddenly.</p>
<p>“Shoot,” He hissed. “Shoot, shoot, shoot.” He frantically typed back a reply to Jay, telling her that he accidentally fell asleep at Liam’s house and he’d be home soon. With a glance at the time, which read 11:07 pm, he sent a quick text to Liam to let him know he used him as a cover in case his mom calls. Then, he turned back to Harry.</p>
<p>“Harry, wake up,” He whispered. Harry’s entire body moved when Louis tried to shake him awake.</p>
<p>“Mmm,” Harry groaned as he woke up, eyes still closed as his hand settled on Louis’ knee where it was thrown across his hips. He pressed down firmly, and Louis flushed when he felt the hard line of Harry’s penis pressed up against his inner thigh. Harry hummed in a way that Louis <em>knew</em> wasn’t from being woken up.</p>
<p>“Harry, wake up!” He shook harder, and Harry’s eyes slid open. His eyebrows drew together, and he groaned when Louis tried to inch his leg away from Harry’s crotch.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Lou.” Harry’s voice made heat flash through Louis’ stomach. It was scratchy from sleep, and probably also from arousal, but Louis didn’t want to focus on that, or he may get a problem of his own.</p>
<p>“Harry, I have to go now.” Louis whispered.</p>
<p>“No, stay,” Harry murmured, using the arm he had wrapped behind Louis’ back to pull him back down against his chest.</p>
<p>“I can’t,” Louis drug his shaky hand through the curls on top of Harry’s head. He wanted to lean down and press a kiss to his forehead, but he couldn’t. It was <em>wrong</em>. Laying like this was <em>wrong</em>, and his mother must know where his is. He never stays at Liam’s this late. So, she must know. Mothers always know. She knows he slept with a guy, and she knows he’s going to Hell.</p>
<p>Oh, God. He’s going to Hell.</p>
<p>Louis practically jumped off the couch, hands shaking uncontrollably by his sides. He gathered his things and all but ran to the bathroom. He ripped off Harry’s clothes and left them crumpled on the bathroom floor while he haphazardly pulled on his own clothes. His shirt was rumpled, and he left it untucked. His belt remained unbuckled because his hands were shaking so badly, he couldn’t fix it.</p>
<p>He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and his palms were a bit clammy. It felt like he was forgetting something, and as his eyes darted over the room to find something his brain knew wasn’t there, he felt the tension in his body climb.</p>
<p>Warm, steady hands settled over his and his eyes darted up to look at Harry. He knew he looked crazy. He knew he had a wild look in his eyes because of how scared he felt. There was an uncomfortable buzzing under his skin that made him want to scratch at it until the feeling was gone.</p>
<p>“I-, Harry, I-” Louis stuttered.</p>
<p>“I know, babe.” Harry pulled him into a hug, and Louis tensed before the pressure finally soothed him. “Let’s get you home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If his mother knew the truth about where he was that night, she never said anything. He had used the time in Harry’s truck to come up with a believable story. Harry had thankfully remembered to grab his raspberries before they left, so Louis had told his mother that he went to get the berries, and Liam had called him for help with Sunday School homework that he didn’t understand. Louis had gone over, eaten dinner with the Payne’s, (and thanked them profusely, yes mom) and accidentally fallen asleep.</p>
<p>His mother had believed it. Of course, she had; Louis <em>never</em> lied. Louis had morals. He was a <em>Christian</em>, and Christians didn’t lie, so his mother had instantly believed his story. He apologized for worrying her with a kiss to her cheek.</p>
<p>It wasn’t intentional, his avoiding Harry. He was just…not going out of his way to see him. Maybe when he had shown up, out of uniform this time, to their monthly movie in the park and had waved, Louis had turned and walked in the opposite direction, but that was because his mother had called him.</p>
<p>She hadn’t really, but when he had walked up to the group of Tomlinson’s, Jay had asked him to grab them a few servings of popcorn to share, and some waters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want to meet your family.” Harry cornered him when he was in line. He found him when Louis wasn’t able to get away and whispered into his ear from behind him in line. Louis shivered at the warm puff of air.</p>
<p>“Have you lost your mind?” Louis turned and hissed back. He glanced around and, abandoning his place in line, pulled Harry away from the crowd by his bicep. The muscle was firm under his hand, and it was a bit distracting when they turned the corner away from everyone and Louis was suddenly between Harry, the firm muscles, curly hair, and bright, pleading eyes, and the wall.</p>
<p>“Not as your…” Harry paused, as if waiting for Louis to fill in the blank, but he avoided meeting Harry’s eyes. “I want to meet them as your <em>friend</em>. We are friends, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Harry. We’re friends, yes.” Louis chuckled.</p>
<p>“Then, yeah. I want to meet them.” Harry nodded easily. “They could come over? I can cook!”</p>
<p>“You? Cook for six people?” Louis giggled at the thought. “I’ll invite you to dinner. You can come over to our house instead.”</p>
<p>“What if they don’t like me? If they hate me as a person, they’ll never like me as your…” Again, Louis looked away and didn’t answer. “Lou, what are we?”</p>
<p>“What do you want us to be?” Louis’ voice was small, just barely a whisper.</p>
<p>“I want to be your boyfriend and take you on lots of dates and kiss you goodnight at the end of each one, and even during them, but I’m not sure you’re ready for that. So, again, I’m asking <em>you</em>: what are we?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Louis confessed on an abrupt exhale. “I’m <em>confused</em>. When I’m with you, it feels so right, and good. But then I go home, or I go to church, and I hear the exact opposite. I hear that being gay is a <em>sin</em>, and that sinners go to Hell. How can I not listen?”</p>
<p>“Because the people whose opinions that truly matter will support you whatever you decide,” Harry told him after taking a few moments to think. “<em>I</em> will support you no matter what, and I hope that your parents can do the same.”</p>
<p>Harry let Louis process his words before broaching the subject again. He didn’t want to upset Louis again by bringing it up, but he still couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.</p>
<p>“I want to impress your parents, Lou. I <em>want</em> them to like me. Your sisters, too.”</p>
<p>“Well, my sisters love jokes, especially the younger ones. Lottie probably won’t laugh at your jokes, but she’ll think they’re funny and it’ll be okay. My parents could talk about church and God and Jesus all day, so if you can talk to them about that, I don’t know.” Louis shrugged.</p>
<p>“Would they laugh at biblical jokes?” Harry suddenly asked with a wide grin. Louis loved his smile; he could probably look at his smile all day.</p>
<p>“Maybe, if they aren’t offensive.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’ll test some out on you and then you can tell me if they’re bad?” Harry’s face lit up, and there wasn’t anyone on earth that could say no to that face. Louis nodded.</p>
<p>It wasn’t more than thirty minutes later that Harry was back. Thankfully, Louis’ family was engrossed in the movie two rows away, enjoying their snacks that Louis had finally been able to get. His extended meeting with Harry made him lose his seat near his family. Now, though, he didn’t mind, because Harry whispering in his ear made him smile and blush.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know angels flew this low.” Harry’s husky voice was intoxicating, and Louis couldn’t help the chuckle that fell from his lips as he twisted in his seat to look at Harry.</p>
<p>“You can’t use that on my parents, and if you say that to any of my sisters, my dad might have you arrested.”</p>
<p>“No, this next one is for your parents. That one was just for you.” Louis flushed.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m ready.”</p>
<p>“How does Moses make his coffee?”</p>
<p>“Did they even have coffee that long ago?” Louis asked.</p>
<p>“No, babe, just guess,” Harry giggled softly. Out of habit, Louis glanced around to make sure no one was paying them any attention. The coast was clear, so he leaned a bit closer.</p>
<p>“Um, red? Because he parted the red sea?”</p>
<p>“What the hell is ‘red’ coffee?” Harry said a bit too loudly. He was immediately shushed by the Millers from the row ahead, and the mother held her hands over their young son’s ears while they glared at Harry. Louis flashed them an apologetic wave, and they immediately smiled back at him. With one last glare at Harry, they turned their attention back to the movie.</p>
<p>“Just tell me,” Louis huffed.</p>
<p>“<em>Hebrews</em> it!” Harry whispered gleefully. It took a second for the punchline to hit him, but when it did, Louis groaned. It was just bad enough that it was funny, but it was <em>so</em> bad.</p>
<p>“That was awful.”</p>
<p>“What? I thought your younger sisters would love that!” Harry frowned.</p>
<p>“But it was so bad!” Louis said, smiling.</p>
<p>“You put the ‘stud’ in ‘bible study.’” Harry whispered into his ear.</p>
<p>“No!” Louis giggled. “Maybe <em>you</em> did, but not me.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, fair. You’re right, you’re too pretty to be a stud.” Louis looked at him then, and they both stared.</p>
<p>“Harry,” Louis breathed. The silence stretched between them, but it wasn’t awkward. The heat of Harry’s stare made him want to squirm.</p>
<p>“I want to kiss you so badly right now.” Was the whispered response. It was so soft that Louis didn’t need to check and see if people heard. He barely heard it himself, but he <em>did</em>, and he smiled, pink cheeks pushing up with a mixture of entertainment and glee.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the movie that neither of them paid attention to finally ended, Louis convinced Harry to volunteer to help him clean up the grounds. Louis told his parents that Harry would give him a ride home, so they left. Together, Harry and Louis made quick work of the few bits of trash, and before long, they were heading back to Harry’s truck. He opened Louis’ door for him, but held him back before he could climb in. Louis turned to see what he wanted and noticed how close he had gotten.</p>
<p>“Harry?” Louis whispered. When Harry moved just the slightest bit closer, Louis tilted his head back instinctively. He felt drunk from the smell of Harry’s skin, even though the only taste of alcohol he’d ever had was a sip at the church’s monthly communions. His eyes slipped closed, but he didn’t feel Harry’s lips against his, so he asked. “Please?”</p>
<p>“Please what?”</p>
<p>“You can do it.”</p>
<p>“What can I do? Help you into the truck?” Louis huffed.</p>
<p>“You’re being purposely obtuse.” Louis pouted, hoping to avoid verbalizing his wants.</p>
<p>“And you’re not telling me what you want.”</p>
<p>“Never mind.” Louis climbed into the truck on his own. He closed the door on Harry’s frowning face and settled back into the seat as Harry got in beside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did the hawk sit on the steeple?” Louis jumped at Harry’s voice by his ear. He was sitting in the library with a few textbooks. Corven was such a small town that they didn’t have any sort of higher-level education past the one-building school that housed kindergarten through twelfth grade. When Louis expressed interest in becoming a teacher, his parents had helped him search through online schools, as well as universities close by. He always knew he wanted to stay in Corven during his college years. His parents had four other kids and Louis didn’t want to miss them grow up. Louis shook his head, focusing back on Harry’s question.</p>
<p>“It probably had a really good view from up there.” Louis said, smiling up at him.</p>
<p>“No, Lou. It was because he’s a bird of prey.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You know, like when you bow your head and put your hands together?”</p>
<p>“Pray?” Louis asked, pressing his palms together like he was praying.</p>
<p>“Yeah. A bird of <em>pray</em>.” Harry giggled at his joke, and Louis couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>“I think that one’s a keeper.” Louis said. Harry pumped his fist in victory.</p>
<p>“Do you want to get out of here?” Harry asked. He had <em>that</em> look in his eyes, telling Louis he was up to something, so he nodded without a second’s hesitation and packed his things.</p>
<p>Before Louis could blink, they were cruising down the highway, blasting music Louis’ never heard of. He watched Harry as his hands curled around the steering wheel, easy and comfortable in their little bubble. Seeing Harry throw his head back and sing at the top of his lungs made him wish that he knew the words so he could join in. Instead, he bobbed his head along with the beat of the music with a smile on his face.</p>
<p>He couldn’t stop the giggle when he heard a raunchy lyric or a bad word. Every time he did, Harry smiled at him in a way that made him blush. The way his cheeks flushed even darker when he noticed <em>Harry</em> singing lyrics like ‘<em>you can blow my whistle, baby, whistle, baby, let me know</em>’’ or the much more explicit ‘<em>can ride my face until you’re drippin’ cum</em>’ was even more proof of how innocent he really was, especially when the more suggestive words made him squirm.</p>
<p>Louis didn’t even think to ask Harry where they were going until they were over thirty minutes into their drive and Harry finally took a break from singing to breathe.</p>
<p>“Have you kidnapped me?” Louis asked. “Was it your plan to get me to willingly get into your truck so you could steal me and take me far away?”</p>
<p>“No, Lou.” Harry chuckled.</p>
<p>“Oh, well too bad.” Louis shrugged. “I wouldn’t have put up a fight.”</p>
<p>“I’ll keep that fact in mind.”</p>
<p>“Where are we going, H?” Louis finally asked, the anticipation too much for him.</p>
<p>“We’re going on a date.” Harry said easily. Louis’ heart skipped, and his head jerked around to look at Harry.</p>
<p>“What? Where?”</p>
<p>“Just the beach. Thought it would be nice to do something simple for our first <em>real</em> date.” Harry said. He took Louis’ hand and settled them both over the center console. He was so effortlessly beautiful. With one hand loosely resting on the top of the wheel, and the other holding Louis’ hand, Harry looked every bit like a movie star. His eyes shone brightly in the sun, and Louis stared shamelessly, even after Harry looked over and caught him.</p>
<p>It took them only ten minutes after that to reach their destination, which looked to be the middle of nowhere. Louis looked at Harry, confused, when he pulled off the main road and onto an access road.</p>
<p>“Okay, now I <em>really</em> think you’re going to kill me.” Louis muttered as he glanced at his surroundings.</p>
<p>“Oh hush, you. You’re too cute to kill.” Harry said. Louis silently cursed the heat that spread up his cheeks, and then silently apologized to Jesus for cursing, even if it was in his head. “C’mon!” Harry pushed the door open, which had Louis scrambling to keep up as he skipped, literally <em>skipped</em>, away from the truck. Louis darted after him and met him on the loose sand of the beach he didn’t know was there. He spun around in slow circles, taking in the waves and the sand and the bright, setting sun that warmed his face.</p>
<p>Feeling a rush of happiness, he shoved Harry and ran off, yelling ‘Tag! You’re it!” over his shoulder. He heard the huffing behind him as Harry grew closer and shrieked into the air when arms wrapped around his waist and hauled him closer.</p>
<p>“Not fair!” Louis cried as Harry manhandled him. He struggled, panting and wrapped closely against Harry’s chest, until he acknowledged their proximity. Louis took a step away and awkwardly cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Lou,” Harry said sadly. This time, when he reached out and took Louis’ hand, he snatched it back roughly, ignoring the hurt look on Harry’s face. Louis glanced around frantically to make sure no one had seen them. They were alone.</p>
<p>“Harry, I-I can’t,” Louis said, taking another step back.</p>
<p>“Yes, you can, babe,” Harry said sadly. “You’re just scared.”</p>
<p>“Of <em>course</em>, I am, Harry! I’m terrified.” Louis exclaimed. The beach was empty, totally empty, so he didn’t try and control his voice. “I’m <em>terrified</em> that someone is going to catch on, or even catch<em> us</em>.”</p>
<p>“Lou, there’s nothing wrong with us.”</p>
<p>“I’m an abomination, Harry! I’m going to Hell, and you act like that doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>“You aren’t going to Hell, Louis, because it isn’t wrong. You said yourself it feels right.”</p>
<p>“Leviticus 18:22, ‘thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind, it is an abomination.’” Louis stated frantically.</p>
<p>“Jesus: ‘A new commandment I give unto you: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are to love one another.’” Harry immediately fired back.</p>
<p>“Romans. But we know-”</p>
<p>“Jesus: ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.’” Harry interrupted, continuing as his hands clutched Louis’ desperately, trying to get him to understand. “’Blessed are those who have been persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”</p>
<p>“Harry,” Louis breathed.</p>
<p>“Jesus’ life was about <em>people</em>.” Harry’s voice was firm, but soft. “He knew we were sinners, Lou, and he still gave up his life for us. Why would he do that if he didn’t want us to be who we were supposed to be?”</p>
<p>“But, the Bible-”</p>
<p>“Baby, I was quoting Jesus. <em>Jesus</em> is your savior, not anyone else. You are merciful, and you are kind and selfless and wonderful. You help your family without a single complaint, and you are a lovely man to me. I don’t think Jesus would be able to find fault with your life if he tried.”</p>
<p>The words rang around in Louis’ head, echoing until his nerves settled. He inhaled deeply and let it out, along with all of the doubts.</p>
<p>For the first time, it was Louis who initiated the contact. He took Harry’s hand in his and pulled him closer. When Harry’s arms wrapped around him, he didn’t flinch. Here, in Harry’s arms, he finally felt the burden lift, and he sobbed into Harry’s chest when it hit him that he believed. He believed that Jesus still loved him, and he also believed that he could be with Harry. The relief that came with that was enlightening, and he pulled his tear-stained face out from where he had buried it against Harry’s chest and met his eyes.</p>
<p>“Harry, will you,” Louis trailed off when his heart started thudding uncomfortably in his chest. The palms of his hands grew damp with sweat and began to tremble against Harry’s sides where they gripped. He dropped his gaze down to stare at the sand by their feet and then off to the left until the panic eased. “Please, kiss me.” He whispered.</p>
<p>Harry didn’t say anything after that. He curled his hands around the base of Louis’ skull and pulled him into his body. When the hitch of his breath met Harry’s ears, the taller man smirked.</p>
<p>“Want me to kiss you?” Harry breathed against Louis’ mouth. Louis whined and nodded. The short, choppy movements were surprising to him, but he <em>really</em> wanted this. Now that he’d said it, it was all he could think about.</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>That was all he needed. Harry crowded closer and used his other hand to cradle Louis’ face. He let out a final sigh, and then pressed his lips to Louis’. His plush mouth cradled Louis’ thinner bottom lip. Barely-there stubble scratched his cheeks, but he didn’t complain. Their mouths molded together seamlessly, and Harry thrived off the smooth slide of their lips. The pressure made Louis’ head spin, and he tried to respond to Harry’s movements, but he was a bit out of his element.</p>
<p>Harry kissed him slowly, deeply, and, after a few minutes, he found himself responding a bit easier. It was nice.</p>
<p>He knew he was clumsy; he had only kissed two other people, and one of them was Dylan just recently. It didn’t seem to bother Harry when he accidentally bumped their noses together or their teeth clacked. Louis melted into Harry’s body when he adjusted the angle slightly and their lips fit just right. Practically holding up Louis’ entire weight, Harry sunk to his knees with Louis following his lips eagerly. He never wanted to stop kissing Harry.</p>
<p>When they were both kneeling in the sand, the pressure of Harry’s lips grew until he was falling back on his bum.</p>
<p>“Oof!” Louis huffed. Their lips had parted when he lost his balance, but Harry was quick to connect them again, Louis immediately responding. He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, so he used them to hold himself up, but Harry had other ideas. Harry crawled into his space and used a gentle hand on his waist to press his back to the sand. The taller boy settled in between Louis’ thighs and, with his forearms on either side of Louis’ head, kept kissing him.</p>
<p>The position they were in did things to Louis’ head, knowing exactly what would happen next if they kept going. His previous unease came back in full force, and he pressed a hand against Harry’s chest, pushing him back. They were both panting.</p>
<p>“I, uh, stop.” He mumbled. His lips were tingly from Harry’s mouth and stubble. When he glanced up at Harry, his hair was wild from the wind, and his cheeks were bright pink. Louis figured he probably looked just as rumpled.</p>
<p>“You okay? Was that too much?” Harry asked, eyes wide. “Sorry, shit! I’m sorry, Lou.”</p>
<p>“No, no. I just, didn’t, you know.” Louis wasn’t sure <em>what</em> he was trying to say, but he felt like he had to give Harry some kind of explanation. “That was fine. Kissing is fine – <em>great</em>, even – but I uh, haven’t, <em>you know</em>.” He gestured awkwardly between the two of them and prayed that Harry would understand. Because he was Harry, of course he understood.</p>
<p>“Oh, baby,” Harry breathed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p>
<p>“’S embarrassing.” Louis mumbled. “I know it’s not normal. I’m twenty-four for Christ’s sake.” He winced and mumbled another apology as he glanced up.</p>
<p>“That makes it all the more special, babe,” Harry said. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t.” Louis promised. “I just know what comes after the kissing, and I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.”</p>
<p>“I’m perfectly fine with just kissing until you’re ready.” Harry punctuated his statement with a gentle kiss that had Louis smiling. With an ease that Louis was a bit envious of, he stood and tugged Louis to his feet. “I want to walk a bit closer to the water. That okay?” Louis nodded, and when Harry tangled their fingers together this time, he didn’t flinch. Instead, he squeezed lightly and smiled up at Harry.</p>
<p>A wave caught Louis on his lower leg. When it happened again, much sooner than the swell would allow, he turned to glare playfully at Harry. The overly innocent look on Harry’s face told Louis what he already knew: Harry splashed him. Now, his shorts were wet.</p>
<p>“Oh, my gosh!” Louis exclaimed. “You jerk!” He launched himself closer to Harry and leaned down to throw handfuls of water at him. Not one to play fairly, Harry kicked the water back, nearly soaking Louis in seconds.</p>
<p>“Okay! Okay, okay, stop!” Louis sputtered against the salty water through his laughter. The assault immediately ceased, and Louis wiped off his face. Harry’s toes met him under the gentle waves, and he felt fingers under his chin tilting his head up.</p>
<p>“Can I kiss you?” Harry asked. Louis nodded easily, and their mouths met, toes shifting together under the waves.</p>
<p>They walked along the beach together silently for a bit after that, the warm water lapping at their calves. A gentle breeze kept most of the heat away, but even with the sun gone, the air was still sticky. After the short water fight from earlier, they were both a bit sweaty. When Harry dropped his hand, Louis huffed in protest.</p>
<p>“Calm down,” Harry chuckled. “I’m just cooling off.” Without warning, Harry lifted his hands to the collar of his shirt and pulled it off in one fluid motion. He tucked the shirt into his waistband and took Louis’ hand again. This time, when he began to walk, Louis was still frozen in place.</p>
<p>“Okay?” Harry asked, turning a bit to look back at Louis.</p>
<p>“You, uh.” Louis’ eyes traced the previously hidden ink on Harry’s torso. Harry’s <em>firm</em>, <em>toned</em> torso. “Have tattoos.”</p>
<p>“You knew that, babes. You’ve seen them before.” There were a few that the sleeves of his shirts had covered, too. Louis wondered how many there were.</p>
<p>“Not all of them.” Harry chuckled and stepped fully in front of Louis. He held out his arms and nodded his encouragement until Louis grasped the – yes, <em>very</em> firm – arm. He twisted and turned the appendage until he’d catalogued each and every tattoo and then switched to the other one. Goosebumps rose on the skin underneath his fingers when he traced the shapes he saw.</p>
<p>When he’d finished admiring the ones adorning Harry’s arms, he reached out towards Harry’s stomach, but paused. Their eyes met in a silent question, and Harry nodded. The tremble of his hands was a bit embarrassing, but Harry didn’t laugh. If anything, he seemed to be holding his breath.</p>
<p>Louis’ finger brushed against the large butterfly ‘<em>It’s a moth, Lou</em>,’ that spanned nearly half of his stomach. The smooth, warm skin under his fingers made <em>him</em> weak, and the intimacy of the moment wasn’t lost on him. Gaining a bit of confidence, he raised his other hand up too, using both to caress Harry’s skin. When he trailed his hands up, up, up, Harry shivered, a low groan slipping from between his lips. It brought Louis’ attention up to Harry’s mouth, which was bitten red from where his teeth had sunk into the now swollen bottom lip.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Louis breathed. He giggled away the awkward feeling, having never truly sworn before. The unfamiliar word was strange coming out of his mouth. When Harry chuckled, his abs tensed under Louis’ hands, and he pressed harder, feeling the tight muscles.</p>
<p>“Lou,” Harry’s hands caught his when they moved down to thumb at the laurels. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you’re turning me on.” Louis immediately pulled his hands back.</p>
<p>“Oh, uh, sorry!” He squeaked, holding his hands behind his back. His face flamed, and, without his permission, his eyes dropped down to the front of Harry’s loose shorts, which were slightly tented. He was confused when his eyes lingered there, and his body grew hot with the realization that he wanted to see what was under the rest of Harry’s clothes.</p>
<p>“Let’s go sit on the dock,” Harry said. He pointed out to the wooden dock that jutted out into the ocean. It wasn’t too far above the water, like it was built just for people to hang their legs off the end and sink their feet in the water. They leaned back on their hands to soak up the last rays of the dying sun and watch it set.</p>
<p>By the time they dried off enough to get back in the truck, the moon was fully up, and Louis was yawning, stumbling over his feet.</p>
<p>“What are you doing tomorrow?” Harry asked on their walk back.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow is Sunday; I have church.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Harry muttered.</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“I miss you. I want to see you again.” Louis giggled and snatched Harry’s hand where it was swinging between them.</p>
<p>“You haven’t even taken me home yet.” Louis pointed out. Harry shrugged like that wasn’t a big deal.</p>
<p>“Maybe we can do something after?” Harry asked hopefully.</p>
<p>“What if I skipped?” Louis blurted out. His eyes widened when he acknowledged what he said.</p>
<p>“I can’t ask you to do that, babe.”</p>
<p>“You’re not. I’ll tell my mom I’m not feeling well tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Are you-”</p>
<p>“I’m sure!” Louis promised.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, when his alarm went off, Louis moved to start getting changed, but then he remembered the plans he made with Harry last night. Instead, he flopped back down and pulled the sheets over his head. He breathed deeply in and out of his mouth until the heat of the breath left him flushed. In a way that seemed over-the-top, he coughed loudly and groaned when his throat actually began to ache. A soft knock cut through his lies and he ripped the sheets off and pasted the most miserable look on his face as his mom walked in.</p>
<p>“Lou,” His mom began, then she took one look at him and cooed. “Oh, Boo-Bear! You look terrible.” He let out a feeble cough and tried to make his voice sound hoarse as he spoke.</p>
<p>“Thanks, mom,” He joked weakly. “No, I’m okay. Give me a few min-” He sputtered into a fake coughing fit and groaned at the end.</p>
<p>“Louis William, you will not stop foot into the church sounding like that!”</p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“No ‘but’s! I’ll tell your father you’re not feeling well, and that I’ll stay here.”</p>
<p>“Mom,” Louis chastised through another ‘cough’. “Go, I’ll be okay. I’ll probably just sleep.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure, baby?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” To prove his point, he closed his eyes after another coughing fit, and sighed when his mother pressed a kiss to his forehead. She promised to come back with some medicine. After he swallowed some purple goop that tasted like fake grapes, and his mom told him to call or text if he needed <em>anything</em>, she left with a soft click of the door. Louis give it fifteen full minutes after the van had left the driveway before he rolled out of bed.</p>
<p>Once he was ready, dressed in fitted sweatpants, a low-neck tshirt that his mother would never let him out of the house wearing, and his hair artfully styled, he texted Harry and opened the front door. He stood on the porch, thinking: <em>Am I really about to do this?</em></p>
<p>He stepped off the porch and walked down the street.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The familiar screech of Harry’s brakes made him smile before he could even see Harry past the glare of the sun. He chuckled when Harry’s arm darted out of the rolled-down window, half-heartedly shushing him when Harry called out, “Hey, babes!"</p>
<p>“Shhh,” Louis chuckled. He didn’t look away from Harry to make sure no one heard him, too caught up in the deep dimple that dented his cheek. The low stirring in his stomach made his face hot, and he shoved down the feeling to climb into the truck. Before he could lean across the gearshift for a kiss hello, Harry smirked at him.</p>
<p>“Need an Ark?” Harry asked. He barely got time to furrow his eyebrows, much less to reply before he said, “I <em>Noah</em> guy." Louis laughed against Harry’s mouth when the punchline hit him. Soon, their lips were pressed together as they idled on the curb, laughing.</p>
<p>“You’re terrible.”</p>
<p>“Wait, I’ve got another,” Harry giggled. “Why did Noah have to punish the chicken on the Ark?”</p>
<p>“Um, because he cocked up?” Louis guessed. Harry burst out laughing again, and Louis grinned along, thinking he’d finally gotten it right.</p>
<p>“No, but that was a good one!” He said. “It’s because they had such <em>fowl</em> language!” Louis rolled his eyes to hide the smile, and it was obvious he had failed when Harry swooped down to kiss him again. He switched the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. Once they were out on the highway, cruising back towards Harry’s house, he laid his out the window and let the breeze whip through his previously styled hair. When his eyes had dried out, and they were getting closer to their destination, Louis pulled his head back in and looked to see Harry glancing between him and the road.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You’re beautiful,” Harry said shamelessly.</p>
<p>“Whatever, I’m gonna beat you into the house!” Louis rocketed out of the truck and sprinted towards the porch. He jumped up the stairs as Harry’s long legs propelled him closer, but he wasn’t quick enough. “I won!”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, babe,” Harry muttered. “Your tiny legs are very impressive.”</p>
<p>“<em>Tiny</em>?!” Louis shrieked. He turned on his heel with a hand on his hip and levelled a look at Harry.</p>
<p>“You’re very cute.” Harry pressed a kiss to his cheek as he walked by, grabbing his hand to pull him in after.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry’s magical Sundays involved watching Netflix and meal prep, which Louis only learned <em>after</em> he’d lied and feigned sickness to come over. There were no real plans, which Louis was a bit upset about, but was easily pacified with first pick of movies.</p>
<p>He popped in <em>The Fast and the Furious</em> and settled down with his back pressed against Harry’s chest. He could feel the even rise-and-fall and shifted closer. Without thinking, he shifted his hips to try and unfold where his shirt had bunched uncomfortably under his lower hip.</p>
<p>When he settled, he became aware of the firmness against his bum. Against his better judgement, he slowly shifted back. Smirking when he heard the soft hitch of Harry’s breath, he settled. Only a couple minutes later, when Harry had relaxed, he stretched his arms out in front of him and ‘stretched.’ The motion made his back arch, and it pushed his ass down firmly.</p>
<p>This time, Harry’s hand came up to grip at his waist with a warning, “Louis.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, H?” Louis asked, rolling over and making sure he brushed against the front of Harry’s shorts. He couldn’t sneak a peek lower without arousing suspicion, but he wanted to see, couldn’t help his curiosity.</p>
<p>“Stop squirming.”</p>
<p>“Sorry.” He rolled back over. Another small adjustment, this time lower, and he felt the tip of Harry’s penis catch on his waistband. There was no denying the small gasp that Harry let out. “Trying to get comfortable.” He pressed back firmly, sliding up once more, and the hand dropped to grip his hip bone <em>hard</em>. Louis froze.</p>
<p>“You little minx,” Harry growled into his ear. “You’re doing that on purpose.” In half a second, Harry had pushed himself up from behind Louis, rolled him onto his back, and dropped down to hover over him. They weren’t touching except for their legs where Harry’s bracketed Louis right one. Slowly, achingly slow, Harry leaned his hips closer. Just when Louis felt the tiniest bit of pressure between Harry’s thigh and his own rapidly-hardening cock, Harry pecked him on the lips and excused himself to the kitchen for a glass of water.</p>
<p>Louis was so shocked he didn’t answer when Harry inquired if he wanted any. He sat on the couch for a minute or two, head spinning, before he followed Harry into the kitchen. The curly-haired lad was standing against the sink, clutching the edges of the counter, when Louis walked in. He padded up softly and the hand he rested on Harry’s bicep made the taller man jump.</p>
<p>“Sorry, thought you didn’t want any water.” Harry said softly.</p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p>“Oh, well why-”</p>
<p>“Want you.” Louis whispered. Harry paused, mouth open. Many things flickered across his face, but he simply closed his mouth.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” He asked. Louis nodded, gulping nervously when Harry took his hand and led them down the hall to his bedroom. Louis had been in this room a few times over his visits, but had never been on, much less <em>shared</em>, Harry’s bed. His thoughts were interrupted when Harry pulled his shirt over his head and stepped right into his space to press their lips together with only a brief pause to let Louis nod.</p>
<p>The kiss was firm but sweet, fitting Harry perfectly. Louis, now quite familiar with kissing, eagerly responded, and let Harry’s tongue in after the shortest hesitation. Harry’s hand at the hem of his shirt made him tense, but Harry eased it with another kiss. Hands brushed over the dip of his waist, lifting the shirt as they went higher. Eventually, Louis lifted his arms and let Harry tug the material over his head.</p>
<p>Harry took a step back and eyed Louis up and down. Flushing under the scrutiny, Louis shifted on his feet. The metallic sound of Harry’s belt knocked Louis back into the present, and he couldn’t tear his eyes off Harry’s crotch when his jeans thumped against the floor.</p>
<p>All he had to compare it to was his own, and he really hadn’t studied his own since most of his life he had followed the belief that masturbation was a sin. The bulge underneath the brightly patterned, tight, boxers was big. Harry was big. Just as he began to psyche himself out, Harry asked, “What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?” Louis faltered, registering the words before shrugging. His mind was mostly focused on Harry.</p>
<p>“Jesus can’t be topped.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I <em>can</em>,” Louis snarked, immediately wanting to take it back when he watched Harry’s grin fall off his face. He hardly had time to open his mouth, trying to apologize, when Harry swore and crashed their lips together. <em>So, Harry liked that</em>. Harry stepped backwards until Louis’ knees hit the bed, and dropped to the floor. His hands rose to the waistband of Louis’ sweats and stilled.</p>
<p>“May I?” He asked. Louis nodded. He shivered when Harry’s fingers dipped into his pants, and his breathing stuttered when they were slowly slid down his legs. Harry pressed his mouth against every piece of skin he uncovered down to his knees before easing Louis back down onto the mattress. Watching Harry crawl up the mattress and settle between his thighs was erotic, and he had to close his eyes.</p>
<p>“Damn,” Louis whispered. “You’re stunning.” Harry smirked into Louis neck and finally, <em>finally</em> dropped his hips to Louis’. He groaned at the pressure and saw white behind his eyelids when he squeezed them shut. Of their own accord, his hips pushed up to meet Harry’s until they were panting. Harry traced the pad of his thumb directly over the waistband of Louis’ boxers, and he tensed.</p>
<p>“Can I take them off?” Harry asked softly.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Louis squeaked out. Harry shifted them down until they caught on the swell of his bum, then urged Louis to lift his hips, which allowed them to snap down to his upper thighs. He gasped at the cold air at the same time that Harry groaned, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his dick. Louis felt the brush of a dry finger moving <em>down</em>, and his eyes flew open.</p>
<p>“Wait!” He scrambled up the bed and away from Harry, ignoring the friction on his still-hard cock when he curled up against Harry’s pillows.</p>
<p>“Lou?”</p>
<p>“I’m, - I can’t, - I’m not ready!”</p>
<p>“Hey, calm down. That’s fine.” Harry stroked his cheek softly. “We don’t have to do anything; that’s not why I invited you over.”</p>
<p>“I know, I just, want to be with you.”</p>
<p>“There are other ways.”</p>
<p>“Show me?” Harry nodded and leaned forward, unfolding Louis’ legs from his chest. He’d gone a bit soft during the conversation, but Harry didn’t mind. Carefully laying back down over Louis, he brushed their lips together until Louis was arching up to fully connect them.</p>
<p>Before too long, Louis was hard and squirming again, but this time, Harry enclosed his dick with his much-larger-hand, stroking loose and slow. Louis whined. For a few minutes, all the sounds in the room were the slide of skin-on-skin, and their respective exhalations and groans.</p>
<p>The only warning he got before Harry swallowed him was one slow swipe of a tongue from base to tip. He nearly choked, which was a bit ironic considering <em>Harry</em> was the one with a dick in his throat. Harry’s mouth was sinful. Wet in the best way and tight enough to make his thighs tremble. His breath caught on a downward bob when the tip of his cock hit the back of Harry’s throat. Stars exploded behind his eyelids, and he was barely able to gasp out a warning before his release crashed over him. Aftershocks made him twitch, melting back into the mattress.</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Louis chuckled. A half-hearted ‘<em>sorry</em>’ was sent up to the Lord, but his head was too fuzzy to focus, and his eyes were focused on the man smirking at him. He pulled Harry closer by curling a hand over his shoulder. Their lips met, and it was embarrassing how hot it was that he could taste himself when Harry licked into his mouth. The heated kiss reminded Louis that Harry hadn’t gotten off, so he fumbled his hand in between them to awkwardly grip Harry’s cock.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Lou,” Harry hissed. “Warn a guy.”</p>
<p>“S-sorry, sorry.” He chuckled. It was a weird angle, one that Louis wasn’t used to, and he could tell it wasn’t great for Harry. “Sorry.” He whispered. Harry noticed the change in his voice, and knew he wasn’t apologizing for startling Harry this time.</p>
<p>“Feels good, babes,” Harry encouraged. He shifted his hips forward, pushing it through the loose grip of Louis’ fist. “Yeah.” Giving up on moving his hand, Louis let Harry use his fist to get off.</p>
<p>Harry humped his hips forward, grunting out simple commands like ‘tighter,’ or ‘swipe over the tip a bit’ as his thrusts began to falter. With a loud groan that served as warning, Louis instinctively tightened his grip and watched, wide eyed, as Harry fucked his fist. It milked him of his orgasm until he shifted his hips back all the way to let himself slip out of the circle of Louis’ hand.</p>
<p>He expected everything to be awkward after that, after they slept together, but it wasn’t. If anything, it was easier. They laughed when Harry tossed Louis a shirt and it hit him in the head, and both collapsed on the couch together, Harry in just his boxers and Louis in Harry’s shirt and his boxers.</p>
<p>Harry got no meal prep done. Instead, they laid on the couch and rewatched the movie they had abandoned earlier while Harry swiped black nail polish over his nails. When Harry oohed and aahed over how hot Paul Walker looked driving, Louis just flushed, not agreeing out loud, but nodding along in his head. He thought, but didn’t verbalize how hot the black nails made Harry look.</p>
<p>At one pm, after their second movie and a lunch of grilled chicken and vegetables, Louis shot up from the couch in shock, “Shit, H, I gotta get home!”</p>
<p>He moved down the hall to where he’d left his pants in Harry’s room and tugged them on as he hopped back towards the front door. Harry was smiling at him in that infuriatingly fond, yet sexy way of his.</p>
<p>“Shut up and drive me home,” Louis barked without heat. When Harry raised an eyebrow, Louis rolled his eyes but complied, “<em>Please</em>.” Harry swooped down and kissed him again, got his keys, and lead Louis to the door.</p>
<p>The drive was quiet, but there was something simmering under Louis’ skin that made him restless.</p>
<p>“What?” Harry asked, blindly reaching for Louis’ hand. He shifted it closer so Harry could find it and calmed when Harry’s fingers slotted between his.</p>
<p>“Are you my boyfriend?”</p>
<p>“Lou-”</p>
<p>“Please, just, don’t make fun of me. I just <em>really</em> need an answer.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, babes,” Harry said, glancing between Louis and the road with an easy grin. “We’re boyfriends.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After Harry dropped him off at the end of the street with a chaste kiss, he speed-walked back to the house. The door was open when he stepped onto the porch, and he walked in. When his mother caught him at the door, kicking his shoes off, she detoured directly over to him.</p>
<p>“Where in the world have you been, Louis?” She asked.</p>
<p>“Just needed some fresh air. I took a walk. How long have you been home? I hope I didn’t worry you.” He pasted a fake worried smile on his face after the lie, and his mother ate it up, shushing his worries.</p>
<p>“Not long, boo, only a few minutes.” He let out a sigh of relief and told his mom he wanted to take a nap. His mother never noticed his change of clothes or the product in his hair, even if it was wild from the wind and Harry’s fingers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He walked to the library intent on getting some work done. The last two times, like he had Louis-seeking-vision, Harry had come in while Louis was studying and they ended up back at Harry’s place, in bed. This time, he was staying no matter what.</p>
<p>Clearing every other step with ease, Louis climbed up the stairs to the front door. He settled at his usual table, nestled between the Encyclopedias and the various versions of the Bible. He loved how peaceful this section was. Having taken a few extra moments to properly set all his things out, there was barely ten minutes before he saw a familiar head of curls rounding the corner, still in his uniform. Louis cocked his head, but didn’t call a greeting, curiosity growing when Harry seemed to be on a mission.</p>
<p>Harry sauntered over to the large, displayed Bible across the room, back toward Louis as he hunched over the pages. His bum was pointed out, directly at Louis, who was walking over before he could remind himself that he was studying. Walking on the balls of his feet to make sure the click of his ankles wasn’t audible, Louis snuck up behind his boyfriend. Just as he was about to dart his hands out to tickle Harry’s ribs, Louis realized he was muttering under his breath.</p>
<p>“No, no, that’s not good.” He turned a few pages, muttering more as he continued to flip. “Oh, Solomon’s temple? Yeah, I can work with that.” Then, as he chuckled softly to himself, Louis assaulted the man with his fingertips, and Harry let out a shriek and fell to his knees. Louis cackled at the response, flushing when the librarian came all the way over to shush them. The laughter made his sides ache, and it was punched from his chest when Harry stood to his full height and backed him up against the stacks of books.</p>
<p>Oh,” Louis breathed.</p>
<p>“I have a gun on my hip!” Harry whisper-shouted under his breath. “Be careful, Lou.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry, you just looked so cute over here.” Louis grinned. “What are you doing, anyway?”</p>
<p>“How else do you expect me to come up with age-and-Jesus-appropriate jokes?”</p>
<p>“And what have you come up with?”</p>
<p>“Uh, where was Solomon’s temple located?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“Jerusalem. Well, technically it gets torn down, and then its rebuilt in Old Jerusalem.”</p>
<p>“No, Lou,” Harry sighed. “His temple is on the side of his head.”</p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Louis groaned, stifling a giggle behind his hand. Harry tugged it away to see Louis’ smile. “That was ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“I want to meet your family.” Louis’ chuckles faltered, and he abruptly stopped.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I think I’m ready to meet them. I have plenty of jokes, and I feel ready.” Louis took a deep breath to stifle the immediate ‘No!’ he wanted to yell. Instead, he thought it through. He and Harry were official, and Louis enjoyed every moment he got to spend with Harry, but he also felt ready for <em>more</em>. The thought of his boyfriend sitting across from his parents, totally unaware, was terrifying. However, he still wanted it; he wanted his parents to know Harry, even if it was just as his friend.</p>
<p>“I’ll ask my parents and text you?” Louis offered. Harry blinded him with a grin, nodding. After a sneaky kiss between the books, Louis forced himself to tell Harry he was studying, and he tore himself away to continue studying.</p>
<p>When Harry walked out, back to his patrol, he kissed the top of Louis’ head as he passed, leaving Louis smiling down at his books.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was less than a week between their conversation and actual dinner with Louis’ parents. They had messaged back and forth during that time so Louis’ mother knew what Harry liked, but hadn’t seen each other since the library. When he showed up Thursday night, Harry was bouncing with nerves. Louis’ palms started to sweat when he walked to open the door. This was the moment of truth.</p>
<p>“Hello, ma’am,” Harry reached out a hand for his mother, kissing the back of it when they met, and shook Mark’s hand firmly. “It’s very nice to meet you.”</p>
<p>“Officer,” Mark greeted gruffly. “Appreciate what you’re doing for our city.”</p>
<p>“Just Harry, please.”</p>
<p>The girls fawned over Harry, especially his curls, when he fully entered the house. Moving into the main room, they all settled on various pieces of furniture. The plethora of girls meant that Harry’s thigh was pressed right against his on the couch. Before Jay sat down, she offered drinks, to which each of the girls cried back ‘Lemonade!’</p>
<p>“Harry?” Jay offered. “We have tea, coffee, maybe a glass of lemonade if the girls haven’t drunk it all. Anything?” Harry pondered something.</p>
<p>“How does Moses make his coffee?” Harry’s mouth curled around his grin. No one recognized it as the beginning of a joke, so the responses ranged from ‘Did Moses drink coffee?’ to ‘How do you make coffee?’</p>
<p>“How?” Daisy asked, wide-eyed.</p>
<p>“Hebrews it!” Harry crowed. The girls dissolved into giggles, Mark and Jay chuckling along as Louis groaned. He should’ve known this was a terrible idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was a great idea.</p>
<p>His parents <em>loved</em> Harry. From the moment he walked in the door, his boyfriend had enraptured them. He and his father talked about work, while Jay spoke with him about his garden, asking him question after question when she learned of his farmer’s market fruit truck. The girls seemed content to listen to him talk, much like Louis, but Lottie started talking about gymnastics when Harry asked what all the girls liked to do, and they all dissolved into the different sports and activities they enjoyed.</p>
<p>Mark got Harry talking about football, and then they didn’t shut up. Before long, Mark was leading him down the hall to look at his football shrine. Every time anyone came over, that was something that Mark pulled out of his belt to brag about. Normally he waited until after they ate to go all ‘the best team in the nation,’ but he hardly lasted an hour.</p>
<p>Jay was in the kitchen when Louis came over to help set the table. He set out the plates, utensils, and glasses while his mother carried over the dishes full of delicious food. She had made baked turkey with green bean casserole, and they had a salad as well.</p>
<p>Louis went to fetch his father and boyfriend from the den and led them both back to the table. He had to control the habit of reaching back to grab Harry’s hand, instead moving to the table ahead of them both. After they sat down, Harry immediately to Louis’ right, they all grabbed hands and bowed their heads to say grace. Harry stroked his thumb over the back of Louis hand subtly, but the flush of his cheeks and the smile stayed long after their ‘Amen.’</p>
<p>“So, Harry, Louis tells us you haven’t had the opportunity to make it to Clearwood Church of Christ yet.” It didn’t surprise Louis at all when Mark brought it up.</p>
<p>“No, sir, I haven’t.” Harry said. Louis admired that about him, how easily Harry could respond to such a subtly hostile statement.</p>
<p>“Well, when Louis here mentioned he had taken you under his wing, I was hoping I’d see your face in my congregation.”</p>
<p>“I think work has kept him pretty busy,” Louis chimed in.</p>
<p>“Oh, my goodness.” Mark’s booming laughter echoed around the house. “I remember what it was like to be the newest hire at the church. I understand.”</p>
<p>“Hazza?” Fizzy piped up. The nickname was new. The girls though ‘Harry’ wasn’t a good enough name, something which had amused the adults. “Why don’t <em>you</em> live with your parents like Lou?”</p>
<p>“Oh, my God, Fizz,” Louis groaned. “He-”</p>
<p>“Louis William Tomlinson,” Jay chastised. “We do <em>not</em> say the Lord’s name in vain.” He paused to replay the words in his head and was shocked. He’d never slipped up in front of his parents like that before.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” He murmured up to the sky after a glance at his expectant mother.</p>
<p>“Why did Noah have to punish the chicken on the Ark?” Harry asked suddenly. The twins and Fizzy immediately perked up, recognizing the beginning of a joke.</p>
<p>“Why, Harry?” Daisy asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, why?” Phoebe’s eyes were wide as she stared at him, waiting for his answer. Louis groaned, already knowing the punchline, but he appreciated the sentiment; Harry was trying to take the attention away from him.</p>
<p>“Because they had such <em>fowl</em> language!”</p>
<p>The girls cackled with laughter, and even Mark’s lips quirked in a smile that he tried to hide behind his glass of lemonade. <em>This wasn’t such a bad idea</em>, Louis thought to himself, smiling along with his family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was a <em>terrible</em> idea.</p>
<p>“Is Hazza your girlfriend?” The squeal of a fork against the ceramic plate grated his ears, and he flinched up to shoot a glance to his parents. His mother chuckled awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Harry can’t be Louis’ girlfriend, dummy,” Fizzy teased. “He’s a <em>boy</em>.”</p>
<p>“Well is he Lou’s <em>boy</em>friend?” Everyone freezes, including Louis and Harry. Under the table, where Harry’s hand had fallen, he squeezed Louis’ thigh in what was probably supposed to be comforting, but just made him jump in shock. His mind spun, trying to come up with a response, but all he could come up with was:</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Harry looked at him, eyebrows raised in shock, but didn’t say anything. “He is.”</p>
<p>The youngest two girls squealed, excited despite the tense looks darting between their brother and parents. Jay and Mark never looked up, eyes not straying from their plates as they awkwardly finished the meal. Daisy and Phoebe were puffed up with pride, having figured out the secret, while Lottie sat, eyebrows furrowed.</p>
<p>She was a bit older and had sixteen years of church to tell her just how wrong their relationship was. Fizzy, on the other hand, just looked confused. She glanced between the two men as the silence continued, blissfully unaware of the problem. They wrapped up only five minutes later, and Louis pushed his chair back from the table. He took Harry’s hand in his and pulled him towards the door.</p>
<p>“Let’s go.” He whispered.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Louis nodded, and they announced their departure.</p>
<p>Ever the perfect hosts, Mark and Jay escorted them to the front door. After they pulled on their shoes, Louis looked up at his parents, pleading.</p>
<p>“Please,” He begged his parents. “Say something.”</p>
<p>“I-I,” Mark shook his head. “I can’t.” Louis’ lower lip trembled, but he forced himself to stand tall when his father left the room. He couldn’t help the pleading tone when he called for his mom before she could turn and leave, too.</p>
<p>“Do you know how devastating it is to hear,” She drew in a shaky breath, continuing. “That you won’t see your son, your <em>child</em>, in heaven?” Louis froze, heart shattering in his chest even as Harry immediately ushered him out the door to the car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“C’mon, Lou,” Harry whispered when they made it into his house. Gently, he led Louis up to his room. He undressed Louis, who sat there numbly, eyes unfocused. Before he could pull a shirt on his boyfriend, Louis pressed a hand to his chest. He stood and faced Harry, leaning up on his toes to press their lips together. The seal of their mouths when his boyfriend leaned down made his chest ache, but he just pressed harder against Harry’s mouth. Harry’s groan was muffled against his lips.</p>
<p>“Please, Harry,” Louis whispered. He moved his hips against Harry’s pelvis, whining when hands came up to still his movements.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Fuck me.” Harry sighed.</p>
<p>“Lou, babes, no,” Harry said softly. “You’re upset.”</p>
<p>“Harry, <em>please</em>.” He dipped his head down so his forehead rested against the column of Harry’s throat, breathing deeply.</p>
<p>“No, Lou. Not tonight.” He cradled the back of Louis’ head and shut his eyes at the first harsh puff of breath against his neck. Before he could open his mouth, much less brace himself, Louis collapsed in a heap on the floor, broken, loud sobs flying from his mouth.</p>
<p>His shoulders shook from the force of his cries. All Harry could do was watch, sadly, as he bent at the waist. He clutched at his abdomen tightly when his breath started coming too quickly. It was like he could no longer hold himself up, and when he finally started speaking, nearly incomprehensible through his tears, Harry knelt next to him.</p>
<p>“Father, please forgive me for my sins. Please, Jesus, forgive me. I’m so sorry, it will never happen again. I live for you; thank you, Father, for laying down your life for me. I am lost, God, and I need h-h-<em>help</em>.” He stuttered. “Please, God, help me. Please let my parents still love me. Lord, please forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He choked on his tears, and when he was able to focus on something other than the tight pressure on his chest, he could hear Harry’s voice right beside to his ear.</p>
<p>“Please, Lord, let Louis and his family’s hearts speak instead of their faith, and let them all find <em>peace</em>. Give them answers that come from love and understanding. Father, help them to see Your love the way You intended.” Louis’ watery eyes glanced up and met his, and he wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck. Both men were a bit teary-eyed when they uttered ‘Amen,’ together.</p>
<p>Harry bundled Louis up in his arms and carried him the few steps to bed. They laid down together, side-by-side, but not touching. For several minutes, Harry laid there and listened to Louis’ hiccups. When Louis’ stuttering breath had finally eased, Harry rolled to face him and opened his arms up for Louis to crawl into. Fresh tears fell when Louis felt his boyfriend’s arms tighten around his back. He clutched at the fabric of Harry’s shirt to ground himself, and eventually, he fell asleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Harry woke up early for his Friday shift. Louis was alone in the bed, a pounding headache that told him that the night before had really happened. He always woke up with a headache after crying. The smell of breakfast wafted into the room, fresh and warm. Harry was still home.</p>
<p>He padded down the hall with sleep-fuzzy eyes, and when he stepped into the kitchen, he can’t quite believe his eyes. Harry was at the stove, bum shifting left to right in rhythm to the music Louis could hear despite the earbuds. The giggle that bubbled up and out of his throat startled Harry, who whipped around with pink cheeks and smiled.</p>
<p>“Morning, beautiful,” Harry said. He crossed the kitchen in two strides and pecked Louis on the mouth before turning back to the stove. After a deep, delicious inhale, Louis could identify the smell of bacon.</p>
<p>“Morning.”</p>
<p>“Hungry?”</p>
<p>“Maybe just some bacon,” Louis shrugged. Harry pointed to the oven with his spatula where the bacon was being kept warm, and Louis skipped over to it. He pulled out a piece without burning his hand and popped it into his mouth. “Mmmm.”</p>
<p>“Did you sleep okay?” Harry’s voice was soft, gentle, like Louis was a deer that could be scared away. He didn’t bolt, but his eyes fell to the floor, and he nodded. “I’m sorry about-”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Louis interrupted.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“For, you know, telling me ‘no’ last night.” Louis said. He felt the heat creeping up his cheeks but pushed away his discomfort. “I’m glad you did. You were right; I want it to be special.”</p>
<p>“Of course, Lou.” Harry turned off the stove and moved the pan off the heat so he could turn and face his boyfriend. “I look forward to being with you like that, but I am content to wait for the perfect opportunity. And that <em>wasn’t</em> after you were accidentally outed to your family by a ten-year-old.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. It wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, but I’m kind of glad it happened that way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat down to breakfast together, with Harry eating some oatmeal with blueberries in addition to a few pieces of bacon, and when Harry left for work, he kissed the top of Louis’ head and told him he was more than welcome to stay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louis jolted into a sitting position when he heard the door latch. A deep chuckle told him that he’d been caught, and he threw a smile over his shoulder towards Harry.</p>
<p>“I told you to wait for me,” Harry pouted.</p>
<p>“I didn’t start without you,” Louis said. “Promise. Just getting ready.”</p>
<p>“Your cheeks are pink.”</p>
<p>“Because it’s warm.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit,” Harry called, grinning. “I know your cheeks turn pink when you’re asleep. You took a nap without me!”</p>
<p>“I barely dozed. Come join me.” He shuffled to the back of the couch. After Harry had stripped himself out of his work clothes, leaving him in boxers and his white undershirt, he collapsed onto the couch. Louis wrapped himself around Harry’s back, nuzzling his nose into the fine hairs at the base of his boyfriend’s neck. He let out a deep sigh as he got comfortable, just in time for the theme music of <em>The Office</em> to start playing.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Louis shifted his hand down to lift Harry’s shirt. He tucked it beneath the material and smoothed his hand back up Harry’s stomach. His boyfriend’s skin was warm, even warmer than Louis’ sleep-heated palm. It wasn’t more than five minutes before he felt his eyelids drooping, soothed by the warmth and presence of Harry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m going home.” Louis told Harry the next morning. Harry was off for the day, so they had both slept in. Now, as the sun climbed towards the highest point, Louis was flat on his back in bed, lost in thought. His mind had fabricated a future where he returned home, and his parents and siblings welcomed him back eagerly. They loved him and Harry. He wanted to know, even if it wasn’t true. The only way he would get closure is to <em>go</em>.</p>
<p>“What can I do?” Louis’ heart filled with warmth. Harry was the sweetest man in the world.</p>
<p>“Can- Um, would you mind dropping me off and picking me up?”</p>
<p>“Of course not.”</p>
<p>“Now?” Without replying, Harry stood and grasped Louis’ outstretched hand to pull him to his feet. After a brief peck, which turned into a few minutes of comforting kisses, they walked out the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The quaint, brick house loomed in front of him when he slid out of the front seat of Harry’s truck. Where it had always seemed welcoming and warm, now it just gave Louis a sense of foreboding. He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry, and he stumbled up the steps to the porch. Debating whether he should just walk in or knock, he faltered at the door. Thankfully, he didn’t have to decide. The door swung open, revealing Lottie.</p>
<p>Neither spoke, just watching each other. Just when the tension was about to overwhelm him, Lottie spoke.</p>
<p>“Does this mean you’re going to marry a man?” She asked.</p>
<p>“I, uh, yeah, Lots. I’m gonna marry a man.” He didn’t expect <em>that</em> to be the first thing she asked him. He saw the ghost of a smile spread across her face and relaxed.</p>
<p>“Now we can talk about boys!” She squealed. She hopped, clearly excited, and threw her arms around Louis. He smiled into her hair, breathing just a bit easier. When Lottie calmed down, she looked Louis dead in the eyes, far too serious for only sixteen years old. “Mom is in the kitchen.”</p>
<p>Louis nodded, and ducked into the house behind his sister, traipsing through the house to find his mother. He heard her singing under her breath from around the corner, and it pulled at his heart strings. He could imagine her, swaying at the stove or in front of the sink, with a smile on her face, carefree and joyful. Then, he imagined turning the corner and the smile slipping, gone, and he wanted to run.</p>
<p>“Mom?” He called softly as he turned the corner. Jay froze but turned around with a smile directed at <em>him</em>. She was smiling at Louis.</p>
<p>“Lou!” She exclaimed like he had snuck up on her. “I was just about to call you.”</p>
<p>“You were?” His heart soared, and his cheeks pushed up in a near-manic grin.</p>
<p>“I was talking to Millie today, you know how we like to catch up with each other before church,” His mom said. He did know; their conversations were <em>marathons</em>, lasting for hours if no one else needed the phone. “Anyway, she was telling me that her oldest granddaughter, Hannah, was free tomorrow after church.”</p>
<p>“Okay?”</p>
<p>“She agreed to go to dinner!” Jay clapped her hand like she was a teenager, and Louis’ smile slipped off his face.</p>
<p>“Why is she coming to dinner with us?”</p>
<p>“Not with us, Boo-Bear, with <em>you</em>.” She sighed. “I hope by the time your date comes around your head will be on a little bit tighter.” She twisted his head side to side, chuckling under her breath. It was something she had always done when he ‘wasn’t thinking straight,’ and it had always made him laugh. The idea that his head had somehow come loose and he no longer had rational thoughts, so his mother had to screw his head back on had been funny when he was younger. Now, he jerked his head back, betrayed.</p>
<p>“Wha-? <em>Mom</em>!” He groaned.</p>
<p>“What, baby?”</p>
<p>“You remember Harry? I brought him to dinner the other day?” He asked. “You remember that he’s my <em>boyfriend</em>?”</p>
<p>“Anyway, I thought you could take her to dinner, and maybe bring her back here after? We’d love to have her over for Family Movie Night, but you can ask.” His mother was rambling, like she did when she didn’t want anyone else to get a word in. “She is always welcome. Such a sweet girl. Did you know she was goin-”</p>
<p>“Mom!” Louis interrupted forcefully. Jay blinked at him, obviously shocked. “I’m <em>gay</em>. I’m not going on a date with Hannah. My date with <em>Harry</em>, a <em>man</em>, will be great.”</p>
<p>Jay sputtered, lost for words, and he spun on his heels. Stalking up the stairs, he threw several mismatched outfits into a duffle bag he yanked off the shelf in his closet. He grabbed a nice shirt, some slacks, and his cleanest Vans, and left.</p>
<p>When he threw open the truck door, Harry jumped. The bag he’d packed was dropped unceremoniously and climbed into the seat without a word. He slammed the door without looking at his boyfriend.</p>
<p>Harry started the truck and drove off in silence, giving Louis some time to think. As the house grew smaller in the mirror, Louis’ vision blurred with tears.</p>
<p>The brakes squealed as the truck slowed to a stop in Harry’s driveway. Louis didn’t move, and so Harry walked around to open his door for him. Instead of allowing the outstretched hand to help him out of the truck, he tugged Harry closer and finally let the tears come out.</p>
<p>Where Harry’s neck and shoulder met was damp when Louis sat back again. He sniffled and wiped his nose, frowning to himself. This time, Harry physically pulled him out of the truck and led him up to the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, babes,” Harry said.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you go to church?”</p>
<p>“I grew up in the church. Both of my parents were Baptists. When I came out to them, my mom wouldn’t let me go. She always told me that God didn’t accept who I was, and so I need to stay away to avoid angering Him.” Harry said, completely monotone. “I stopped going, and I just haven’t gone back again since.”</p>
<p>“Do you still believe?”</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“Would you like to come to church with me tomorrow?” Louis asked. Harry smiled, and he nodded.</p>
<p>“I would love to.”</p>
<p>They settled down after that to watch another movie that Louis paid no attention to. Eventually, he gave up the semblance of ‘watching’ the movie and turned to face Harry. He buried his face into his boyfriend’s neck, inhaling deeply. There was barely a hint of cologne, having faded since he sprayed it on before work yesterday. They had skipped a shower the night before, choosing to lounge on the couch instead.</p>
<p>He smelled very faintly of cologne, but strongly of his deodorant. After another, deeper, breath, Louis felt the tension seep out of his muscles.</p>
<p>“Can we go to bed?” Louis mumbled into the skin of Harry’s throat.</p>
<p>“It’s not even eight.” Harry chuckled.</p>
<p>“I know.” Louis’ voice was even, sure, and Harry paused. “Can we go to <em>bed</em>?” He pulled his head back to look Harry in the eyes, and that seemed to be all Harry needed. He nodded silently.</p>
<p>The house was quiet when their footsteps resounded in the hall as they walked towards Harry’s bedroom. His nerves were high, but not because he was worried. Louis was worried that he wouldn’t be good enough, that he wouldn’t be good enough for Harry. He knew that Harry was <em>experienced</em>, and he knew that he wasn’t.</p>
<p>“Relax, Lou,” Harry whispered. With a jolt, Louis recognized Harry’s bedroom. <em>How long have we been here?</em> Louis thought to himself.</p>
<p>“I’m okay.”</p>
<p>“You’re shaking.”</p>
<p>“I, uh,” Louis chuckled awkwardly. “I may be a little nervous.”</p>
<p>“Me, too,” Harry said. Louis furrowed his eyebrows, and Harry nodded emphatically. “I want this to be good for you, babes. I want it to be the very best.”</p>
<p>“It <em>will</em> be.” Harry opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but Louis interrupted him. “It will be amazing, because it’s with you.” His lips were immediately captured by Harry’s, moving in a familiar rhythm. The kiss was hot, firm and slow in the best way, but at the same time not nearly enough.</p>
<p>He tugged Harry’s body closer, fighting with the fabric of Harry’s shirt. He’d taken it off many times by now. Between days and nights spent with his boyfriend, he was no longer ashamed or awkward.</p>
<p>There was less than a second between Harry’s shirt hitting the floor and his hands gripping at the hem of Louis’ shirt to pull it off. They were both shirtless, breathing heavily against each other’s mouths with wandering hands.</p>
<p>When Louis’ hand wandered down his boyfriend’s abs to tease the band of his shorts, he felt the tremble of Harry’s stomach. Louis smirked into the kiss, withdrawing his hand so the pressure against Harry’s crotch came as a surprise. Hips bucked forward into the palm of Louis’ hand, and Harry groaned.</p>
<p>“Don’t tease,” Harry begged breathlessly.</p>
<p>“Then take off your shorts.” They were gone in less than a second, and Louis couldn’t help but stare at Harry’s dick, standing out from the v of his hips obscenely. He may be used to seeing his boyfriend shirtless, but he will <em>never</em> get used to the sight of him naked.</p>
<p>“Damn,” Louis whispered.</p>
<p>“Your turn,” Harry murmured, shifting down the band of Louis’ pants. When they were around his ankles, and Harry had sealed their mouths together again, Louis backed himself up until he could crawl backward up the bed. He settled with his head against the pillows and flushed when Harry’s dark eyes trailed up and down his body. “You’re beautiful.”</p>
<p>A hand slid up to his ribs, leaving goosebumps on his skin. He shivered, but he wasn’t cold. Louis curled his hands around Harry’s waist and pulled him down. With their hips flush, Louis whined at the friction.</p>
<p>“Please, H,” Louis panted.</p>
<p>“What do you want, babes?”</p>
<p>“Um, the-the, uh,” Louis stammered, eyes darting away from Harry’s face so he could focus, “Can you- Fingers?”</p>
<p>“Want my fingers?” Louis nodded, knees falling apart instinctively. Harry’s chest brushed against his when he leaned over to fumble with the bedside table drawer. Two items dropped onto the mattress beside his head, and that’s when the nerves hit again.</p>
<p>He forced himself to relax when he heard the snick of the bottle opening. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but a thick-looking liquid that resembled clear soap wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. The lube was cold. Louis gasped when he felt a slick finger teasing around his asshole. It circled over and over again. Just as he was about to tell Harry to get on with it, Louis felt the pressure and then the digit pressed inside of him.</p>
<p>One finger was easy enough. It slipped in and out smoothly with the aid of the lube, but when Harry added a second, Louis felt the stretch. When the wiggling of his fingers caused Louis to groan with pleasure instead of pain, Harry repeatedly thrust them in and out of Louis. Suddenly, there was a burst of pleasure, and Louis practically yelped in shock.</p>
<p>“God damn,” Louis panted. “C-Can you do that again?”</p>
<p>Three fingers in, and Harry was close to exploding. He watched in awe as Louis’ entrance practically swallowed his fingers. Louis’ knuckles were white with how tightly he was gripping the sheets by his sides, and his eyes were shut tight against the feeling of Harry’s fingers moving in him.</p>
<p>“You feel ready, or do you want one more?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“N-No, no more. Ready now.” Harry purposely thrust into his prostate right before he slipped his fingers out, and Louis saw stars. When Harry leaned over to grab the condom, his chest was right above Louis’ face, and he couldn’t help but lean up and nip at his boyfriend’s chest.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Lou,” Harry hissed, hips unconsciously bucking up against Louis’ abs. Louis felt the hot drag of his cock.</p>
<p>“Hurry up,” Louis whined, edging closer to desperate begging as the wait grew longer. He scowled when Harry chuckled, but it disappeared when he lifted the foil packet up to his mouth to tear it open with his teeth. The action made his cock jump where it laid, hard and heavy, against his hip. He flushed when Harry noticed the movement. With a smirk, like he knew exactly what he was doing, he rolled the condom down his dick with a practiced movement that Louis’ eyes tracked intently. The friction of his hand when Harry slathered himself with lube must’ve felt good, because Harry groaned, and his fist tightened before he forced his hand away, panting.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Harry breathed. “Okay.” He inhaled deeply, held it, and huffed out again. When he gripped the base of his cock and shifted forward on his knees, Louis could feel his tip putting the faintest hint of pressure at his entrance. Finally, agonizingly slowly, Harry slipped in.</p>
<p>The stretch was intense, but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as Louis expected it to. It was welcome, and before Harry was fully inside, Louis had his heels digging into the dip of Harry’s spine to urge him forward.</p>
<p>“Babes, slow down,” Harry chuckled.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t hurt,” Louis whined. “C’mon, you can go.”</p>
<p>Harry studied his face intently, and when he saw no signs of lying or concealed pain, he pulled back and pushed in again with more intent. His hips set a nice, firm pace while he experimented with angles. As soon as Louis began to whine, Harry’s hips jolted forward.</p>
<p>“There!” Louis barked, voice hoarse. Immediately, Harry’s hips returned to the furthest depth he could reach, and he circled his hips at the same angle until Louis was shaking. “H-H-Harry.” His voice cracked, but Harry didn’t let up until he choked out a warning of “Close, Harry. I’m close.”</p>
<p>Then, Harry began thrusting his hips forward quickly, chasing his own release as well as rocketing Louis closer to his own. As the pleasure grew, swirling in his belly, Louis wrapped a hand around himself and tried to match Harry’s increasingly stuttering hips. Louis’ words became incoherent the closer he got, and Harry leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss just as Louis shook his way through an orgasm.</p>
<p>Stripes of hot, milky-white cum shot onto his chest and stomach, and he moaned, completely unabashed. Once the last shiver left the man underneath him and he huffed out a sated breath, Harry pulled out to avoid oversensitivity and began fisting his cock. He groaned, spine curling as the heat built more and more.</p>
<p>“Can,” Louis muttered, head finally clearing enough to form words. “On me.”</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Harry gritted through his teeth. “Where?” Instead of answering, Louis laid himself out like a starfish, and gave Harry the option. Kneeing up the bed so he was in a better position, Harry stroked only a few more seconds before he, too, was releasing over Louis’ already messy chest.</p>
<p>He slowed down his hand as his orgasm passed. When he could fully focus, Harry kissed him again, slow, firm, and perfect. Unable to help the laughter that bubbled up, Louis giggled against Harry’s lips. Trying to stifle it didn’t work, and he pressed a hand over his mouth when he couldn’t stop. The dimple on Harry’s cheek made an appearance as he pulled his hand away.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Harry smiled at him. “Don’t cover your smile.”</p>
<p>“God, you’re so cheesy,” Louis teased.</p>
<p>“Shut up. I’m sappy after sex. Get used to it.”</p>
<p>“I love it,” Louis rolled his eyes, but it was fond. Hopefully, Harry could recognize that. The smile fell from Harry’s face, and it was replaced with a nervous look. His eyes darted down to the bedspread, and he kept glancing up at Louis. “What?” He asked.</p>
<p>“I love you.” Louis froze. The words played on a loop in his mind, and he <em>knew</em> he looked crazed, but he couldn’t help it. There was no way that Harry was serious, right? “You’re freaking out.” Harry chuckled lightly.</p>
<p>“No,” Louis denied weakly.</p>
<p>“You are, and it’s okay. I do, love you, that is. I’m not expecting you to say it back; I just wanted you to know.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>“How about we shower, yeah?” Harry suggested. Louis nodded, and, by the time they were under the warm water, the awkward confession of feelings had passed, and they were laughing and throwing handfuls of water at each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After they had showered and were half-dressed, they laid back down in bed, and Louis finally confessed to his boyfriend what happened at the house earlier. Harry listened patiently while he repeated the conversation with Jay, and silently comforted him with a warm hand on his arm.</p>
<p>He felt lighter when he was finished, like the conversation had been weighing on him ever since. They flicked on the small tv in the room and Harry let Louis lay his head over the swallow on his chest. His soft, damp hair tickled the skin, and he huffed out a laugh as he smoothed the wayward strands down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Harry’s now-familiar alarm woke him up the next morning, and the first thing he noticed was that he was alone in bed. That, also, wasn’t out of the ordinary. Louis was well-aware that Harry liked to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to run, <em>Lord knows why</em>, but he occasionally came back to bed after a shower.</p>
<p>He rubbed his eyes and padded down the hall to the kitchen. Harry was already leaning over the counter, a plate of scrambled egg whites with what looked to be spinach and a disgustingly green smoothie in front of him. When the movement caught his attention, Harry stood up straight and smiled.</p>
<p>“Morning, babes,” Harry greeted. “Breakfast is on the stove, and the kettle is warm.” Louis smiled at his boyfriend and kissed his shoulder, the highest point he could reach without Harry leaning over.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“We probably need to head out sooner rather than later. Don’t want my first impression to be ‘that guy who never showed up, and when he finally did, he was late.’” He laughed at his own joke, but Louis could easily recognize the unease in his eyes. Harry really was worried about being late. Once he realized that, Louis shoved a large forkful of eggs into his mouth and gulped some of his a-bit-too-hot tea. It burned the roof of his mouth and left behind that strange, numb feeling he didn’t like.</p>
<p>By the time Harry was bringing his last bite up to his mouth, Louis’ plate was clean. He took both their plates and set them in the sink before retreating to Harry’s room to change into his nicer clothes. He’d been hanging out in sweats and tshirts ever since the dinner with his parents. Buttoning up his shirt felt good, comfortably familiar. As he tugged on his pants, Harry walked into the room in only his boxers. Louis paused and watched his boyfriend move around the room. It was unfair how attractive Harry was without trying.</p>
<p>When Harry came within arm’s reach, Louis tugged him closer to kiss him. Harry pressed the long line of his torso up against Louis’, and he gripped his boyfriend by the hips to drag him even closer. They broke apart to breathe, and Louis laid his head on Harry’s chest, laughing.</p>
<p>“What?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>“That was one of the <em>least</em> Christian things I could’ve done right before church,” Louis giggled to himself. “Kissing you, I mean: a boy.”</p>
<p>“Lou, you-”</p>
<p>“No, Harry, I’m okay,” Louis rolled his eyes fondly. “It was just a thought. Like, six months ago, I was a totally different person. Thought I was straight, for one, but I really don’t think I was happy.”</p>
<p>It was a terribly serious conversation that they didn’t have time for. They took a few more moments for themselves before, as if by a silent cue, they turned to finish getting dressed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There they are,” Louis breathed. He had been scanning the parking lot for the familiar van, growing increasingly more anxious as the minutes ticked by. Many people had filed into the chapel already with no sign of his family. When he finally saw it, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to center himself. “I should go talk to them.”</p>
<p>Harry nodded, and they climbed out of the truck. On the drive over, Louis had mentioned wanting to confront his family. He needed closure, even if it didn’t go his way. Even if this conversation failed, he felt he should be allowed to say goodbye to his sisters.</p>
<p>They walked over to his parents, arms brushing every other step. His mother was the first to notice them, and her eyes zeroed in on the point of contact. Before he could get a word out, his mother met him halfway and pulled him into her arms for a hug. He melted against her, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry how I left things yesterday,” He spoke into the silky fabric of the summer dress she had on. “I couldn’t let you look at me like you hated me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Boo-Bear,” His mother whispered. “I still love you. I love you so much, but I don’t support you being…”</p>
<p>“Myself?” He interrupted, pulling away. She sighed.</p>
<p>“Louis.”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t need your blessing, mom. I want it, but I don’t need it. This is who I am, and if you can’t accept that, I-I guess I can’t live at home anymore. I can’t live in a hostile place.”</p>
<p>“Louis.” Harry said. He tugged him away and hissed under his breath. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.”</p>
<p>“Harry, she doesn’t <em>get it</em>. <em>God</em>, how can they stand there and say those things?” Louis’ eyes pricked with tears. He didn’t want to cry in front of his parents.</p>
<p>“Louis William Tomlinson!” He recognized the shriek in his mother’s voice, which meant that she had heard what he said. His tears instantly dried up, and a fire took its place. The anger he felt made his stomach churn. “What have we said about taking the Lord’s name in-”</p>
<p>“Taking the Lord’s name in vain isn’t when you say ‘Oh, my God.’ It’s when an imperfect human, like yourself, presumes to put words in His mouth and tell someone ‘this is what God wants you to do.’ Louis snapped, eyes blazing. “Misusing the name of God is the sin. You are using Him, our pure and righteous Lord, to justify the discrimination of something <em>you</em> find wrong.”</p>
<p>Harry’s eyes were wide, but they looked onto Louis in pride, not shock like his parents. His mother fish-mouthed, probably trying to find something to say in response to that, but he continued without giving her time.</p>
<p>“Jesus spoke about loving each other, and forgiveness. If you believe that He would shun me because of how much I love Harry, then you must know a different God.” Louis’ voice was even, all the anger he felt having been spoken. His chest felt light, and when he turned to Harry, the curly-headed man simply held out his hand for Louis. He took it, and they walked towards the chapel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door creaked open when Harry tugged on the handle. He allowed Louis to walk through first, and captured his hand again on the other side. The familiar murmuring of the congregation slowly dissipated, and everyone turned to look. Excited whispers travelled through the crowd as it spread <em>who</em> was here, and <em>who</em> was with him. Louis gulped. His hand tightened around Harry’s, and he held his head up a bit higher.</p>
<p>“Good morning,” Harry greeted to the woman on their left. Flustered, she stammered out a reply. The next row, Harry smiled at the Nelson family. Their twin boys waved back ecstatically, and called out a greeting to Louis as well.</p>
<p>They settled down about halfway back from where Mark would stand. Louis’ heart had been racing since Harry opened the door, and it was still thundering when he pulled out his well-loved Bible. It continued to pound against his sternum even when a familiar head of grey hair in the pew in front of them turned around.</p>
<p>“You must be Harry,” Millie smiled, eyes darting from Harry, to Louis, then back to Harry.</p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am.” Harry nodded.</p>
<p>“Well, it’s a pleasure to have you in church today, darling.”</p>
<p>“Thank you very much.”</p>
<p>“Louis, dear?” His head snapped up when he heard his name.</p>
<p>“Yes, Millie?”</p>
<p>“You and Harry make a lovely couple.” Finally, he felt his heart ease. His shoulders relaxed, and he didn’t think he could choke out a thanks without bursting into tears. Thankfully, Harry noticed, and offered his thanks for the both of them.</p>
<p>Like he’d lived there his whole life, Harry was sucked into a conversation with the woman behind them. They were talking about something, but Louis wasn’t paying attention. He saw his father step up onto the podium, and everyone grew silent. As Mark began his sermon, Louis felt Harry’s arm curl around his shoulders. This time, no one whispered about them, and Louis opened his Bible to the first verse in the sermon.</p>
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